Re: Hi my name is Figg, Mrs Figg.

by Wisey Banks Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:50 am

LOVE CAN'T BE BOUND

"Oh where, o where
has Mrs Figg gone?
I seek her here -
my face is long -
I seek her there -
my ardour strong -
Oh where o where
has she gone,
as I curl up here
in tightened thongs...

Oh Porgy, Porgy,
please set me free
my body, that is -
it's ten past three! -
let it roam
let True Love be -
oh open your heart
and untie me..."

Thought Mesage to Mrs Figg and Porgy Bunk-Banks --- hands (and legs) hog-tied.

by Mrs Figg Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:56 pm

I too am hog tied
and down a well
Im not sure
but I think I fell
or was I pushed
who can tell
I thinks it was
Porgy Banks
glint in the eye
bye bye
farewell Wisey
farewell World
gonna cry

pale

by Wisey Banks Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:28 pm

oh goodness gracious
tragedy
seems all day to
follow me
but for love
i'd be unloosed
my mere freedom
a real boost

and Mrs Figg
she's down a well
but was she pushed?
who can tell?
though tied all up
makes one suspicious
(though she may think
tight bonds delicious)

oh how i wriggle -
I must break free! -
to go aid her
in her need
someone must free her
from that wet place
is it tears or droplets
on her handsome face?

Oh bound by love
and bound by rope -
my goodness me
it's hard to cope! -
oh deary me
i'm so confounded
if i can't escape
she'll soon be drownded!

by Mrs Figg Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:37 pm

drum beats in the gloom
somethings drawing nearer
I bet its my doom
some strange creature
over me does loom
Is it a Porgy or is it an orc
Ill soon be dead meat like pork
so hurry up wisey
set me free
Im starving hungry
and want me tea.

Kissing

by Wisey Banks Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:49 pm

i do the very best
my love
but the knots are many
and varied
i'm rubbing them
below and above
on the stove just now -
i feel quite harried -

you must hang on
my love
this may take some time
it's true
but I trust as Porgy
stands above
she'll spend awhile
taunting you

it may give me time -
ha! rope fraying! -
i'll be free within
about an hour.
hang on Mrs Figg
hear what I'm saying,
distract Porgy somehow
even as you mope and cower...

by Mrs Figg Sat Dec 03, 2011 9:02 pm

dearest Wisey I got free
a light at the end
of the tunnel I see
But somethins waiting
in the dark
I hope its not a orrible orc
or worse.
its somethin with bulgin eyes
murderous looks that frys
as youre some time arrivin
to these fell halls
its comin towards me
oh great shitballs!
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Suspect

aaaaaaaaaaaaa pale

aaaaaaaaa cough

by Wisey Banks Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:32 am

At last! I've broke free of my
tightbound bonds,
So very shortly I'll be out the back
and along,
To haul you up from that
deep 'n' dreary well -
Mrs Figg, are you still kicking?
it's hard to tell...

by Mrs Figg Tue Dec 06, 2011 3:02 pm

Is it a Balrog, is it Uruk Hai,
Im s....ting bricks, I cannot lie
O Wisey wherefore art thee
I need a hero to set me free
On your steed of milky white
come and get me from this plight
but I have a hunch,
its a nigglin doubt,
youll leg it if you have to fight
youll go back to your Porgy
and leave me to parley with this
yucksom Wight.

Sad

by Wisey Banks Wed Dec 07, 2011 3:55 am

Mrs Figg how can you doubt me -
though you seem to be handling things quite well -
if i'm a little tardy,
well, just now i'm living in domestic hell,
the floors unswept, the dishes ditrty -
and Porgy is strangely flirty,
but when things settle,
i'll be there with whistles and bells!

by **Orwell** Wed Dec 07, 2011 4:01 am

Mrs Figg, please understand, Wisey is an artistic sort, not big and bronzed and full of muscles like me. You must battle on yourself, I'm suspecting, Wisey may channel a lovely epic (or epitaph) for you. And with that you (or your eternal spirit) must be satisfied. I'd come and rescue you myself, of course, but I've troube with my back at the moment. Anyhow, I wish you all the best. Good luck!

by Pettytyrant101 Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:19 am

Neither a Balrog, nor a Uruk-Hai,
just a Scotshobbit freshly woken in a sty.
Why Mrs Figg you seem to be stuck in a filthy, stinky hole
No wonder your pussies are mewing sadly round their bowl.
Whats that? You are waiting on Wisey to ride to your aid,
I doubt it on the way here I heard him and Porgy, he's getting laid!

Now what you need is a Scotshobbit's bravery,
Not some ole Ozhobbit channeler whose strength is wavery.
You need a Scotshobbit, brave and willing
all your damsel in distress fantasies heroicly fulfilling.
Lucky then that I'm here, brave hobbits being far and few,
I can go see if I can find someone willing to try to save you.

by **Orwell** Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:41 am

Oh tush, Petty! It is I - in spite of a sore back, mind! - who will find Mrs Figg a saviour. Who would you know who is brave enough to save her? Rolling Eyes

by Pettytyrant101 Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:47 am

Actually I was on my way to see you. But I guess you're right- I don't know anyone brave enough.

by odo banks Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:50 am

Oh Mrs Figg, I do feel for you, given your current difficulties, but my students are studying for their final exams - tomorrow it's "Extreme Respectabilty." So I know you'll understand that I must stay close to Our Lady's in case I'm needed to Mentor any of my desperate young ladies. My thoughts are definitely with you in your time of need - definitely!

As to Mr Tyrant's efforts - well, can one be surprised at the outcome? Rolling Eyes

by Wisey Banks Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:01 am

Porgy Porgy
puddin' and pie
you're my dessert
i cannot lie

but somethin's burnin'
in my head
somethin' troublin'
somethin' dread

oh Porgy Porgy
puddin' and pie
my heart misgives me
I don't know why ---

oh! I never knew
you had those undergarments -
Gosh! I don't give a figg
for subconscious alarments!

by Mirabella Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:08 am

Well, when menfolk fail, then it falls upon women to clean up the mess. Don't despair Mrs Figg, it is Shirriff Mirabella Banks' cudgel at your service!

by **Orwell** Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:10 am

Excellent, Mirabella! You have my utmost moral support!

by odo banks Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:10 am

And mine!

by Biffo Banks Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:11 am

Un myn!

by janesmith Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:12 am

.... and, of course, my prayers are with you, dear Mirabella. Take care. It sounds awfully dangerous... and don't forget your white horse.

by Mrs Figg Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:33 pm

Poo I knew I couldnt rely on men
To save me from the Dragons den
Its a feisty maiden who comes to aid
not lilly livered ozzies who are afraid
he says hes problems with his back
I feel like giving him a smack
my romantic dream has no part
Its pooted out like a smelly fart
what I wanted was Aragorn
not 2nd rate Mills n Boon prn
I see your ardour for me has shrunk
youve gone back to that Porgy Bunks
pleezin that eel in your trunks
Hey Ho woe is me
gotta dash I have to pee...

Sad

by **Orwell** Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:09 pm

One wonders, Mrs Figg, if you haven't actually played an elaborate trick on us! Shocked

Are you sure you were really in danger, or was it, afer all, just an elaborate hoax to woo Wisey away from his kith and kin? Not that I'm suggsting you might be a cunning husband stealer or anything... Suspect

by Mirabella Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:14 pm

Husband stealing? That's a serious crime in Forumshire (according to very recent statutes). Husband borrowing has always been accepted practice - at least 'round Needlehole - but "stealing" can't be condoned. Let me see... study

Oh yes, here it is. Penalty: Damn good spanking - fifteen strokes, first offence, female Shirriff's authorized in the field. I must see to it. Mad

by Pettytyrant101 Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:18 pm

Why is it the cure and or punishment for almost everything in Forumshire is a damn good spanking?
Eldo I feel you may be giving the Sherrif office to free a hand (literally). And my bums all red. Embarassed

(I don't see why drunk and disorderly should even be a punishable crime, its biased against me!)

by Eldorion Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:20 pm

Hmm, perhaps we should have a referendum on reeling in the Shirriff's office in the upcoming election. Allow the good people of Forumshire to decide if they want this much spanking (or if it's the Shirriff that needs to be punished)! Nod