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Okay - okay. How do I do this e-book thingee? And does it hurt much?

Orwell wrote:Okay - okay. How do I do this e-book thingee? And does it hurt much?

Orwell-

Just PM me an email address where Amazon can send your eBook when I order it. And it doesn't hurt at all unless you drop your laptop on your foot because you're laughing so darn hard.

Seriously though, it's pretty easy.

-Paul

Takes a couple of minutes- if you dont have a kindle youll need to download and install kindle for pc (very easy) and if you aren't alredy registered with amazon you will need to do that (I made one up Wazzock of Wazzack town, Wazzock )
But really very staightforward- and you get free books as well as Wobbits work. Free stuff! Scothobbit heaven.

Thanks for the reminder, PT!

There are MANY free books available through Kindle if you look for them. I ordered a bunch of HG Wells, Allan Quartermain and John Carter Of Mars books for NOTHING.

And you can read free excerpts of almost anything.

-Paul

Stavanger, nice - they've got an awesome dialect over there

The Wobbit A Parody wrote:Guy-

I'm not sure by your tone that you're really interested in my book.

But on the off-chance that you ARE, let me assure you that you can download the Kindle app for free onto the computer you're using now, and read my book just as you're reading right now.

-Paul

Yeah, but how much does the Kindle app cost? And will it work on my PC? And why do I want an app that I'll use only for reading your $#%@$ed-up parody?

-Guy

Good question, Guy.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Takes a couple of minutes- if you dont have a kindle youll need to download and install kindle for pc (very easy) and if you aren't alredy registered with amazon you will need to do that (I made one up Wazzock of Wazzack town, Wazzock )
But really very staightforward- and you get free books as well as Wobbits work. Free stuff! Scothobbit heaven.

Guy-

I know that you don't like me, and that you're deliberately wasting my time. But won't you even consider Pettytyrant101's words of wisdom (quoted above), which need little clarification? Nevertheless, I have summarized them below:

1) The free Kindle app is free
2) The download is "very straightforward"
3) You can read other free books for free

I hope to get your Wobbit eBook request via Forumshire Private Message soon, Guy. Include your email address.

-Paul


p.s.

Orwell, you make me laugh out loud, and I'm trying not to break character during my sock-puppet theatre. You've made my day!

Well, I put my current book on hold and picked up (or rather, clicked on) your parody instead. Just read the first chapter, hilarious stuff You write very well and I love the humour I think my favourite part was the cleaning song, but as I kept reading I found the chapter was full of "favourite parts" If the rest of the book is half as good as the first chapter, I'm in for a treat

"But won't you even consider Pettytyrant101's words"- Wobbit

No need to worry about using my full title Wobbit, save your poor worn out typing fingers, its only used in formal occasions. Petty, Pettytyrant will do, the 101 is only there because its a long held Tyrant clan tradition that one from each generation is choosen (honoured even) to bear the title Petty, choosen of course for outstanding crabbitness in the line of duty and for outstanidng achievement in the art of buckie quaffing.
I am therefore the one hundred and first such Petty Tyrant, hence the full title.

And call me Orwell - I am the First of an Illustrious line too, but humble about titles!

Ringdrotten wrote:Well, I put my current book on hold and picked up (or rather, clicked on) your parody instead. Just read the first chapter, hilarious stuff You write very well and I love the humour I think my favourite part was the cleaning song, but as I kept reading I found the chapter was full of "favourite parts" If the rest of the book is half as good as the first chapter, I'm in for a treat

Ringdrotten-

Thanks for choosing my book! I'm glad you like Chapter One, because my inner circle of readers all felt that the first chapter was the weakest. Which makes it hard to attract a literary agent, hence my self-publication on Kindle. In Chapter Two, my version of the fight with the trolls may not be as action-packed as Peter Jackson's, but I think you'll like it.

-Paul

Pettytyrant101 wrote:"But won't you even consider Pettytyrant101's words"- Wobbit

No need to worry about using my full title Wobbit, save your poor worn out typing fingers, its only used in formal occasions. Petty, Pettytyrant will do, the 101 is only there because its a long held Tyrant clan tradition that one from each generation is choosen (honoured even) to bear the title Petty, choosen of course for outstanding crabbitness in the line of duty and for outstanidng achievement in the art of buckie quaffing.
I am therefore the one hundred and first such Petty Tyrant, hence the full title.

I hope "PT" is all right.

Orwell wrote:And call me Orwell - I am the First of an Illustrious line too, but humble about titles!

I did! And will be honored to continue to do so!

PT is fine (if obviously lacking in the proper respect and fawning )

Minor spoilers

I've read the first four chapters now, so I guess it's time for a little feedback!

Pantsoff - what a great character Funniest character by far (I guess you expected to hear that, but it's still saying a lot considering the fact that the rest are hilarious too ). I think everybody knows or has known or will know someone a little bit like Pantsoff, and that is one of the reasons (and there are many more) why this character is so great

The Molly Malone song - not quite as beautiful as the original lyrics, but brilliant nonetheless

Borin's sword - the name of it caused me to choke on the cake I was eating

And that's just a few of many highlights. I'm really enjoying this book I find myself constantly chuckling, inbetween outbursts of laughter that is I'll be posting a little bit as I read, and use it for the review which I'll try to find time for before school starts.

The riddle sequence was great, gave me some good laughs And the part where the the dwarves and Pantsoff are discussing what to do about Bulbo outside the cave entrance is some of the funniest stuff I've read so far

By the way, I take it you've seen a few mafia films? Or are all those references coincidental? I mean, wiseguy, horse's head in bed, Gobfather ( ),make you an offer you cannot refuse, capo - surely you must be a fan?

Thanks for all the feedback, Ringdrotten!

Pantsoff is hard to not like. Everybody loves a shyster. And his enthusiasm is infectious. You're right: we all know someone like him. I know several! I especially like whenever he says "Look at me, everyone!"

The elf-song from The Last Waffle House is one of my favorites, too. Especially if you envision it being sung by taunting choreographers.

I personally prefer Pantsoff's sword, MC Foehammer (Hamstring), to Borin's sword, Orcbriss (The Goblinator). But Orcbriss might actually be more clever. Sorry about the cake you choked on!

Riddles With A Dork was fun to write. I asked a pre-school teacher (the guy who did the cover art, in fact) for some riddles and he was a huge help. I also enjoyed writing Gollum as Foghorn Leghorn from the old Warner Brothers cartoons. They both talk to themselves constantly.

You liked the discussion about leaving Bulbo in the Moisty Mountain best of all? If you have a minute you'll have to tell me why. I thought is was funny, but...

Ah, the Goblin Wiseguys! I love them, and the Gobfather in particular. I like his last words: "Mama Goblin, look at what they've done to your boy!" I wanted to use as many lines and images from [/u]The Godfather[u] as I could, although Vito says that line at Sonny's death, not his own. I'm glad you don't think I overdid it. At least, I'm glad you didn't say so. Yes, I'm a big fan!

Thanks again!

-Paul

The Wobbit A Parody wrote:
You liked the discussion about leaving Bulbo in the Moisty Mountain best of all? If you have a minute you'll have to tell me why. I thought is was funny, but...

Not sure really, I just found it very funny Pantsoff's realisation, Fatso's acute angina and Borin saying "Bulbo would have done the same for us" when Bulbo was actually thinking of leaving them behind - I don't know exactly why but I loved that sequence

PS: There's one thing I didn't comment on before (there's probably more than one, but I forget): I think the hostility between Bulbo and the dwarves was a clever move for a parody, and you've done an excellent job at turning that hostility into some really priceless humour Looking forward to reading the Queer Lodgings chapter now, should be interesting by the sound of the chapter's title

It's not what you think. But I hope you enjoy Bjork, the mighty were-swan, and his host of amazing animal servants.

Thanks for the extra feedback. Come to think of it, I like all the elements you mention, working together towards a great, awkward hostile-ness.

And good old Fatso. I would never write a fat character just to do fat jokes, BUT TOLKIEN DID, so what could I do? He actually turns out to be one of the more sympathetic, three dimensional characters in the book. It's hard for me to write characters beyond two dimensions, or sometimes even one.

You probably noticed that!

Doesn't really matter in this case, as characters such as Pantsoff, Borin and Bulbo wouldn't be as funny if they had too many dimensions to them

Thanks, buddy! Good night!

It is getting late - good night

You'll be glad to hear that I enjoyed Bjork - I got some really absurd images trying to picture swan meetings and swan tracks Their journey through Murkywood gave me some good laughs as well, where one of the highlights was the many tools of Bulbo's Elf Army Knife Right, chapter 9 is waiting

Ringdrotten-

I have virtually NO mental images of the were-swans. But now that you mention it, a whole convention of them would be pretty funny, in a scary way.

As you can tell, I'm a big Swiss Army Knife fan. If I didn't have to fly all the time for business, I would carry one everywhere. I used to, a year ago. Two actually: one little one on my keychain (the Thane model) and a full size one (the Steward model) in my briefcase.

Thanks for the feedback. I hope school is going well.

Chapters Nine and Ten examine the disgusting consequences of spending 24 hours in a barrel. Enjoy!

-Paul.