Howdy from Needlehole

odo banks wrote:(((Oh you are such a tease, Mister Banks... [giggle giggle])))

Did you forget you're Porgy Bunks Odo?


GB

The scale of Odo lies is confusing even him!
I should be in bed by now- but how can I with comedy gold dripping onto the forum in such delightful dollops?!

Oh hello, sir, you must be Mister Beard! Mister Banks mentioned you once - or twice? - he says you were very, uh, helpful, back at Head Office, in the Logistics Tent with Mister Eldorion and Mr Tyrant and Mister Ringrotten and Missus (or was that Mz?) Kafria - and a lot of other folk doing important clerical duties. You were very --- helpful --- from what Mister Banks tells me. Oh sorry, I said that already - lovely beer this Old Pond pecial Lager... Would you like a dram? Though I shouldn't ask -- it's not mine after all. (((Do have some though, Mister Banks gets handsomer by the mouthful! I trust you're here to admire him too - though he doesn't seem that type, too brawny - and you'll be dying to grab his autograph I guess - but me first!)))

And who's this then? Ooooooh a real live Scotshobbit! It has to be... no don't tell me... it has to be Mr Tyrant. Yet another wonderful Clerical Type --- and so craggily handsome... Is that buckie you have there, sir? Well, you are a handsome one. Could I try a dram or two, do you think? I love a hobbit who brings his own buckie....

Ooye gotere az sun az eye cood, Oddo. Eard tha waz a pila trulls ere --- iz thiz won o em? Luukes lik a trull --- huh? Porggee? Zat ya num? Porgee? Ya uh gul. Drinkin beare? Uh -- watz zat Oddo, sheez nut a trull... mebee sheez nut, nut shar bout zat...? ---- Ooooo! Geebee iz ear, und Missy Tryunt! Fort youse war bak up tha war oriface?

Hobbits are truly amazing creatures. you can study them for a hundred years, and they can STILL surprise you.
Though this surprise isn't very surprising to me...

Tenovenill! Youse bak! Hurrah!

Welcome back Tin.
But now you're here could you please tell Biffo this is a kilt and not a skirt, his little mind seems to be having a hard time comprehending it and he's heading for a Glasgow kiss in about two more buckies time if he keeps up with the Miss jokes!!

I think you arrived just in time, Tin, what with GB and Mister Tyrant ogling Porgy (oh Porgy - Tin. Tin - Porgy!) Anyway, poor Porgy has come to visit and got herself a little drunk on my beer (she was already tiddly when she got here) - and now GB and Mr Tyrant have come here too - I think I heard something about them autograph hunting too, but I surely don't know why they would - for are't we all heroes - I certainly wouldn't put myself above anyone - no matter what pedestal the Archet Bugle might put me on.

Anyway, I hope you are well. We missed you, Tin.

I have been staring at this thread for close to five minutes trying to think of something witty or insightful to say, but I'm just reduced to helpless laughter.

Yeah Odo , I want your autograph, here could you sign my a**e!

Oooooh the famous Lost Girl, and the Administrator himself, so very FAMOUS --- but so young! (((Mister Banks, keep them away from the beer - think of your Reputation!)))

How dare you, Mr Tyrant. Hey! Put that away - there are ladies present! Oh my sweet Eru! Put that down Tin - the lemonade's in the icebox! Ellllldo! That means you too!

Awwww Oddo --- itz onee imuganary beeare! Av an art!

Imaginary or not, I won't have under-agers drinking in my house!

Oh what a lovely elf lady - both old and young at the same time - like a Greatr Queen and a Quite Young Lady at the same time - and what a lovely nose ---- And you, young man, such a serious droop to the lip, and an intelligent set of eyes - like a Loremaster bides in there - but still in shorts... Oh you little darlings...

Porgy Bunk wrote:the Administrator himself, so very FAMOUS --- but so young!

Aren't you a charmer. I didn't realize I was a celebrity amongst readers of Hobbit gossip rags.

Not to worry, I'll just help you out and confiscate all their drink and find it a safe home, rest assured it will be properly disposed of Odo.

Porgy Bunk wrote:And you, young man, such a serious droop to the lip, and an intelligent set of eyes - like a Loremaster bides in there - but still in shorts... Oh you little darlings...

Yeah, what I just said about being charming, forget it.

I don't know whether I'm Bifur or Bofur at the moment. Everyone's talking at the same time! Porgy? Where are you, Porgy? Oh there you are. Is it smokey in here? Porgy? Oh this is all so confusing .... Oh there you are - you keep coming in and out of focus... weren't we talking about The Battle of Rushock Bog, Porgy? --- I really wish you'd cut back on the boozing, dear girl! --- and didn't I tell you to put that thing away Mr Tyrant, it will never do ---- look I know you're very ancient, Tin, but you do look under-age, so no beer for you --- and Eldo, that means you too --- Now where was I, Porgy? You're not asleep are you? What's that funny smell --- GB! You know full well I'll have no Pipeweed in the house -- no you can't smoke on the porch, what about the neighbours - yes alright, smoke out in the back yard -- just don't let the neighbours see you. Biffo, what are you eating? - how long have you been carrying that dead Bandicoot around for? -- out youi go - go out with GB - you'll help diguise the smell of Pipeweed -- oh dear, this is the most awkward Wednesday I can remember --- takes me back to the Woodhall Picnic -- oh dear, I think a seedcake or two might be in order... and a dram of Old Winyard... (((better keep that to myself though, some think it's all gone...)))

I can smell wine! Here Odo you holding out on us? I think I might just nip out the back for some fresh air, and certainly not to join GB in a pipe or two.

Yes, yes, take it Mr Tyrant! I see how things are going. My reputation instead of facng enhancement faces diminuition! Off you go!

Oh Primmy and Bella - you're home early -- no, no --- this was not my idea --- everyone just turned up.... Why did they? I don't know - not really - well they did arrive unexpectedly, you can see that... The Archet Bugle? Oh that! Yes, maybe that's why they're here -- no, I never said I was a hero, well not exactly ---- Oh her. That's Porgy -- no she's just turned up too --- What's she doing sprawled on the sofa? Err ---- sleeping? No, no, you are the only ladies in my life (((Damn, isn't two enough?))) How dare you, Bella, as if I was thinking "Damn, isn't two enough"? As if I would. ((((MY gawd, they can read my mind!))). Look, Primmy, I can explain... Yes, I can, Bella! ... In a minute. Just give me time... to explain....! ... Err, I'm not trying to change the subject, but how did the ultrasounds go? ---- Oh sweet Eru! Is that a Scotshobbit in the yard playing the bagpipes, or strangling a cat? Yes, Primmy, I'll go and get him. (((Bloomin' bossy lady-folk!))) Primmy, didn't I just say I'm going to retrieve Mr Tyrant from the yard! Didn't I say it, Bella? I just said it to Primmy, didn't I?! You heard me! And no, I didn't just think, "Bloomin' bossy lady-folk!" (((They can read my mind! Lie! Lie as hard as you can, dear boy!!!!))) Errrrmmmm... as if I would think, "Bloomin' bossy lady-folk!", dear Petal! ... Ellllldo -- will you keep away from that beer!!!!!

And for the record I didn't bring my bagpipes with me, that was a cat- your neighbours cat I think, but it;ll be fine in a week or two, once its deflated and floated back to the ground.
I mushed say Odo old chap thish wine ish rather goood.

LATE EDITION

REDELESS IN RUSHOCK BOG

The latest News in from Rushock Bog is that there has been a Wild Party at the home of a Reputable Gentlehobbit, the renowned hero Odo R. Banks. The small burgh, set below Needlehole and somewhere above THe Water, has been Rocked by salacious rumour. A Reliable Source informs us that there have been ALL Sorts of Goings-On, including, Pipeweed Smoking, Underage Imbibing, Kilt-dancing and Cat Blowing, Autograph Hunting (of the worse kind), and Double Common-Law-Wife Co-habitation.

To top it off, a certain Porgy Bunk (of uncertain reputation) claims to have woken up in the back of a haywagon being driven at a fast trot back toward Bree Hill. The reticent wagon driver claims he found her drunk and asleep on the Rushock Bog-Needlehole Road, after being dumped there unceremoniously by two mysterious lady hobbits, whom he "had never seen before", even though he had lived there all his life. The driver claims not to have been paid a penny and was driving the lass home because "he recognized her from a long time ago as being a Bree resident" and was inspired by generosity to drive her home - the faster the better.

Word has it that Shiriff Mirabella Banks attended her Uncle Odo's house after numerous Noise Complaints.

Shiriff Banks has now made a statement:

"While it appears some shenanigans of a quite harmless and quite respectable kind has occurred in my Uncle's house at Rushock Bog, there is nothing to worry about. After a swift but most carefully thorough investigation, I have established that ALL current rumours and ennuendos are totally without substance, and that Uncle Odo's reputation remains absolutely and pristinely untarnished.

"As to a certain Porgy Bunk; no witnesses have come forward to suggest Ms Porgy Bunk was even at what was, by all accounts, an Unexpected Party. As to the un-named lady hobbits who Helped her on her way, they were clearly Providing a Most Charitable Act, by Suggesting (without payment) to the Kind Hearted driver that he might take Ms Bunk home on his haywagon, which is a means of travel she is presumably Not unacquainted with. I can assure everyone that there is nothing to worry about. Everyone can go about their usual business and stop prying."

The Archet Bugle smells a rat and will press on with its own investigation! Master Odo R. Banks reputation (and "history") will undergo, henceforce, the closest kind of "prying"!

by Lesbo Proudfoot


An Elephant never forgets.

odo banks wrote:I think you arrived just in time, Tin, what with GB and Mister Tyrant ogling Porgy (oh Porgy - Tin. Tin - Porgy!) Anyway, poor Porgy has come to visit and got herself a little drunk on my beer (she was already tiddly when she got here) - and now GB and Mr Tyrant have come here too - I think I heard something about them autograph hunting too, but I surely don't know why they would - for are't we all heroes - I certainly wouldn't put myself above anyone - no matter what pedestal the Archet Bugle might put me on.

Anyway, I hope you are well. We missed you, Tin.

I WASN'T ogling Porgy . I was ogling Jane.

By the way, welcome back Tinny. (finally, a bit of respectability returns to the forum with you on board )


GB