Things that are making you crabbit!

Its a Maremma sheepdog, they were bred to fend off wolves in the mountains and Appenines. basically they are guard dogs that show aggression to outsiders, hence the irritating barking at nothing. Its really cute looking a big shaggy white thing, bred so that the shepherds could see it in the dark. But its not really meant as a pet, these people are idiots. Its already attacked me once, I had to go to their house for a prescription as he is my doctor, and it jumped me barking like a warg and scratched all my legs, I had to leg it. They didnt even apologize, just laughed, its really embarrasing running from a fluffy dog, thats the thing it looks like a polar bear so you want to cuddle it, until its got its teeth in your neck, also like a polar bear.

tape it and rebroadcast it right back at them. You've got amplification, the dog doesn't.

I suggest you put some arsenic in an irrisistable cut of tasty meat and leave it where it can be consumed easily and gleefully, that'll do the trick I'm sure ---- what you do about the dog, I don't know...

step 1- change doctors

step 2- steal an item of worn clothing from your neighbours.

step 3- use the article of clothing- a long stick and a small bell to drive the dog nuts, make sure it associates its master scent with this.

atep 4- wait for the dog to attack its master when a bell rings!

Orwell wrote:I suggest you put some arsenic in an irrisistable cut of tasty meat and leave it where it can be consumed easily and gleefully, that'll do the trick I'm sure ---- what you do about the dog, I don't know...

There are some wise observations here {{}} especially about not cuddling with polar bears.

I ride my bike a lot, and I have gotten to know a lot of protective guard/farm dogs. The kind that will chase you like a deer and bite clear through your boot as they nip at your heals.

I always carry some kind of kibbles in my pocket and try to make friends whenever possible. I love to watch owner's reaction when they see their fierce guard dog run out to me and roll over to have their belly scratched!

When that isn't possible, I've sometimes made a point to ride slowly by after midnight and talk quietly to the dog until I'm sure the owner is disturbed by the barking. It's very satisfying without being directly confrontational, and the owners have usually addressed the problem

Now look David: somebody asked for advice on Forumshire and you go and provide an eminently sensible and workable solution?! I mean....just what the hell are you doin' ?!

I cannot believe the types we get on here.

Oops, sorry..... [hanging head and crawling dejectedly back into hole]

I think I'll go cuddle with a polar bear now.

Now, now, David - that's okay. We all make mistakes every now and then. You just caught me by surprise....

Some very cool ideas guys, I must admit the arsenic plan appeals the most, and I am intrigued by the long stick idea, are you supposed to poke the dog? but I think I will actually try Daves idea of making it bark until its hoarse, but unfortunately it doesnt bark at me any more, it barks at everyone else, passing people walkig past, postmen, cars, falling leaves, a butterfly fluttering in the Amazon. Its a conundrum. its lucky we are in a rural place and its sparsely populated, but because its so quiet, the barking seems even louder.

erm... if t has stopped barking at you, that you are fine x) As you say, they are guard dogs, but also sheep dog. I have a sheep dog. A big sort of thing which is meant to scare of intruders. He barks, or roars, when someone approaches. But he just tells his family that "HEY! SOMEONE'S AT THE DOOR!" and as soon as I open he is so happy and picks up shoes and carries them around. He loves strangers and wants them to cuddle him and sit in their laps (he is big) and sometimes this overly joys makes him climb up on them and give them a hug.

If you are afraid of dogs, the best thing is always to ignore the dog (and sometime dogs sense that you are afraid and therefor unpredictable they also becomes afraid of the unpredictable and unpredictable. that's why some dogs doesn't like children. they don't understand their language and small children are unpredictable, they run around and scream) and say to the owner to keep the dog on a short leash. It's always the owners responsibility what the dog do, if the dog is scared/aggressive towards strangers/children etc. they should watch the dog and warn people. But some owners sees their dogs as a loving pet and the kindest animal they know, but a big, happy, jumpy dog is frightening for some and you should tell them.

But as I said, ignore the dog and it will find you boring. If you run away it will chase you, because they want to catch you or heard you, and if you jump up and hold you arms over your head and act nervous it'll jump on you. just act, although it may be hard, as it's not there. I have a dog who's not overly fond of strangers (not the big lap-dog) and she is happy as long as everybody ignores her.
most likely this is a nice dog and you can probably pet him, and that's probably what it wants. Just don't pet it on the head because the dog will automatically look up and sniff at your hands. try the chest or the sides. that way the dog will know where you are and won't turn around and face you.

good luck anyway. though i didn't really understand, the dog didn't bite you, it just jumped on you? correct? if it bit you, you can sue your doctor

thanks Norc, no it didnt bite me, and it doesnt bark at me as it has got used to seeing me around, I am not afraid of it, its quite a friendly cute thing, its just got a hair trigger bark, it barks at everything, and because it was bred to scare wolves its bark is powerful and deep, the sound resonates. I guess I will just have to buy some sound proof glass for my windows.

They have now cobbled together The Count of Monte Cristo with Robin Hood, but why?

are you supposed to poke the dog? Mrs Figg

Well yes, with a stick with a piece of its masters clothing attached to it- and every time you annoy it by poking it with a stick you get an accomplice to ring a small bell.
Do this until every time it hears the bell it goes mental then wait until its owner is out walking it and ring a bell and stand well back!

He'll soon get rid of it.

I like it! yes my precious me likes it! It pokes us it does.

It pokes us it does. - Mrs Figg

Sorry about that, was just trying to sit down, tricksy thing a kilt at times.

Mrs Figg wrote:thanks Norc, no it didnt bite me, and it doesnt bark at me as it has got used to seeing me around, I am not afraid of it, its quite a friendly cute thing, its just got a hair trigger bark, it barks at everything, and because it was bred to scare wolves its bark is powerful and deep, the sound resonates. I guess I will just have to buy some sound proof glass for my windows.

but then you're fine buy some earmuffs, like the ones they used in Harry Potter My dog is also bread to scare off wolves and he drives me nuts some times, cuz he roars -.-"

Norc wrote: My dog is also bread to scare off wolves and he drives me nuts some times, cuz he roars -.-"

But on the positive side, you don't have any wolf problems, right?

...which reminds me of a story.

One fall I was coming home from Alaska, traveling on the Alaska Marine Highway (ocean-going ferries like Hurtigruten or Caledonian McBride) through all the island towns and villages. While waiting for the tide to change, I'd ridden my bike up to the Mendenhall Glacier above Juneau to watch the sunset (spectacularly beautiful!)

I was riding down the mountain road after dark, when my little headlight spotted 3 huge hybrid wolves waiting for me in a driveway, as if I were dinner....

I immediately started peddling for all I was worth, but the wolves just waited until I passed. I thought, "What well behaved animals" until I realized that the driveway was in the bottom of a small valley, and the wolves had just been waiting for me to start climbing the other side. I looked back. They had all fallen into the lope of professional hunters trailing a deer.

They never barked, and they ran dead silently except for quiet little vocalizations like little chirped howls and growls. I could tell they were sizing up my strengths and weaknesses, and discussing strategy for taking me down. It made all the hair on my neck stand up, and I peddled as hard as I've ever peddled in my life, not looking back but knowing in some primal way that there was a wolf on each side of me ready to take me down, and the largest wolf (probably the mom) directly behind, ready to jump on me and finish the kill.

I crested the hill without them jumping me, and peddling for all I was worth I left the wolves slowly behind, not even worrying about what was ahead.

Mistake.

I got up to about 40 or 50 miles per hour coasting down the hill, watching the wolves recede behind me. Then I saw the stop sign......

Fortunately there were no cars coming as I shot completely across the highway. I laid the bike down and slid to slow down, but I still fell 10 feet or so down the bank on the far side and landed in the brambles. In the first seconds I braced myself to be torn apart by the wolves. They might kill me, but I planned to go down fighting! But it slowly dawned on me that this is EXACTLY what they had been planning all along! Wolves are way too smart!

I got out my flashlight and tool kit, straightened my bike as best I could, and limped back to the ferry.

People who keep wolves for pets sometimes make me crabbit!

what a great story!

You mean, those wolves were smarter than an American!

Orwell wrote:You mean, those wolves were smarter than an American!

you mean ofcourse they are smarter than an American.

Or well smarter than David.

Some things are best left hanging, methinks!