Things that are making you crabbit!

What do you mean by 'unfortunately', Eldo? Why would anyone give away their money so that other people's children can go to school? It's well-to-do people's taxes, you know that don't you. Should be spent on building stronger fences to keep uneducated folk out, not broaden their minds! Eeegad! What kind of world are you trying to create?

A Scottish one! Free quality education for all, except respectable folk- only true crabbit buckie folk should get a proper education.

And where would that leave us, Mr Tyrant... Educated Scotshobbits? Absurd concept! What we'd have is buckie pissed up against the wall! Be sensible, will you my friend. In future you should think before you wiggle your tongue --- ooh sorry 'bout that -- you can't possibly understand -- being a Scotshobbit yourself... Here, here's a penny for a flagon of (cheap) buckie.. There, there, now don't you worry about BIG things. Put this edition of NotP under your arm --- the park bench is over there--- have you got your flagon? Good laddie, then, good laddie!

"What we'd have is buckie pissed up against the wall!"- Odo

Bloody cheek!! I got a 1st in Pissing up against the Wall! At the Scottish Academy for Crabbit Young B*st*rds.

Mmm. shame it's so far away. We're trying to work out where to send Biffy and Bashy... Do you have boarding schools?


((((((((((Dear Mr Tyrant, on a more private matter. It seems at least possible that Biffo and Porgy will be spending some time away in the Great Grey Gaol by the Sea - anything from 25 years to life. As head of the Banks clan, I can reveal to you - my dearest old friend - that they've admitted in private to me to having commited a fairly minor transgression with a pickaxe. I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about. If this gets out, my family's reputation might be seriously tarnished. I trust you to keep your lips sealed. I only mention it because... well, just in case you hear anything on the subject, could you please ensure the NotP hears nothing more about this sordid matter - NOTHING! Young people, you know, they make mistakes. Why Wisey would marry a girl a quarter his age, I will never know. Anyhow -- in perfect trust, Odo)))))))))

(((((( Dear Odo, as you know I have some insiders at the NotP and I have it on good authority that the investigation has taken a turn for the intriguing. The pick-axe was a plant. Mirabella I dare so knows more, but whatever Biffo thinks he has done I believe he is being set up (Porgy I'm not so sure about)- so tell the family to hold fast, get the seedcakes in and await developments-good news may be in the offing, well if it makes a good story given its the NotP-can't say more, the forum walls have ears and all that-Petty))))))

((((((((((Err... thank you, Mr Tyrant..... I just feel very uneasy. Biffo set up? Yes, that sounds likely... Mirabella knows more... Oh goodness! Strange though - Mirabella tells me you've not been around lately... she thought you'd scampered off, avoiding her, you know. Have you made contact with her? Well, I guess she'll be pleased... but... I have reputational fears besetting me. Indeed, I'm not sure your last encrypted message eases them... )))))))))))

((((((Well whats the worst that it could be? - that some unknown demented maniac is trying to ruin the reputation of your family all across Forumshire even willing to murder to achieve it?- ahh I see your point.))))))

((((((encrypted add- I was going to pop by Needlehole sometime to have a manly hobbit to hobbit chat about Mirabellla, you know, do things properly- dont say anything to her, I'm a bit nervous and need more buckie first, a lot more.)))))

((((((((My mind is boggling - and I can't say it's a pleasant sensation. As to Mirabella - I suspect I have an inkling (indeed, a thinkling) as to what that might be about. Great news! But I warn you, Mirabella has been acting strangely of late... Babbling on about blond hair, blue eyes and herrings. She is a lady, so I must not worry too much - they're unpredictable... As to her thoughts on a certain - murderrr - well, she says that's Shiriff's business. She added something about her "continuing to do my job without fear or favour" even when in her "current state" -- queer creatures, the fairer folk!))))))))))

((((((Blonde hair! Blues eyes! HERRING! I think I know which particular northern hobbit who would know a fjord, a longboat and pillaging that might be! Why the! Oooooh now I am crabbit! If he's muscling in after all this time. I mean I knew Mirabella had a thing for GB, despite his obviousl liberal disadvantages, but well he is a lovely soft Beard, its sort of understandable, but this!! Time for some buckie and to gird my kilt! If its too late I don't what I'll do. Drown myself in buckie I suspect, its how I've always wanted to go and its how grandfather went-both of them.))))))

Guys, will you stop with all of these blank comments!!! What is the point?!?!

Alert! Posting to increase post count!

So THAT is how Petty got so many posts!!!

Ooooh I resent that! Buckie drinkers have no need to count beyond 40 bottles (or are capable off by that time), well known fact! Our number system goes 1-40, drunk, bevvied, p*shed, gassed, sozzled, steamboats, hammered, bladdered, wellied, kippered, guttered, rubbered, steaming, oot i' it, mad wi' it, and so on.

Over 40 is "officially insane". I think that Petty is officially insane at the moment.

We don't use that word hereabouts, you know, 'insane'. We prefer 'blessed with buckie wisdom'.

No, I prefer insane.

Crabbit?

Insane, I tell you.

Posting about prom made me crabbit all over again about the events of last week! So going to rant!

I'm tutor for a year 11 form, who understandably have been waiting to go on study leave, but given no date. For the preceeding week it had become increasingly clear that in a number of lessons they had nothing to do (all coursework!). On Wednesday after theur english exam they were handed a letter and told, study leave starts now!

All well and good, it was the right time, but I've been their tutor for 5 years and didn't get chance to say goodbye!! (there are a few nice kids in this world worth bothering with!)

I don't know of many!

M*****F***ING A******&%#¤&¤/&%/¤!"#%()#!/%(!"/¤()!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, incompetent examiner, for f***ing me over

That doesn't sound too good Ringdrotten. Not a disaster I trust. Could be worse two of the exams this year in England apparently had impossible questions, including a multiple choice question where they forgot to include the answer!