Pettyo and Julia

by bungobaggins Wed Aug 06, 2014 2:48 am

ACT 1

PROLOGUE

Two households, both a-lacking dignity,
In fair Forumshire, where we lay our scene,
From ancient fudge break to new scrutiny,
Where crabbit blood makes crabbit hands unclean.
From forth the frothy loins of these two foes
A pair of doe-eyed morons take their life;
Whose most malignant pettiness overthrows
Do with their death bury this pointless strife.
The fateful passing of their wanton love,
And the continuance of their admin's rage,
Which, but their cit'zens end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours' spam upon this page;
The which if you with patient eyes attend,
What hear shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

by Eldorion Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:09 am

Bravo!

I'm really glad you actually did this in iambic pentameter. Can't wait to see more, if you feel up to it Very Happy

by bungobaggins Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:36 am

Well, I just made a cast list. Can't promise that it will all be in I.P. or that I'll even continue/finish.

I actually thought I was being really clever here.

The which if you with patient eyes attend,
What hear shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

A small change from the original, but I thought because you can only read it, that it was clever. Wink

by bungobaggins Wed Aug 06, 2014 5:50 am

SCENE 1. Forumshire. A public place.

Enter Davison and gRAgory of house Liberal, with swords and shields. Davison wields a large carrot.

Davison
I swear, if we hear any more bunk from those Purists, I’ll give ‘em a taste o’ me rotten tubers!

Davison begins to brandish his carrot, hacking at invisible enemies.

gRAgory
Careful where you point that! You could put an eye out! ELE, man!

Davison
You say that now, gRAgory, but when a pack of petulant purists are perusing you into a dark alley, you’ll see it my way.

gRAgory
Yes, your way, with the men lying in the gutter and the women up against the wall?

Davison
Yes, painting my master bedroom! Muah-ha-ha-ha!

gRAgory
Ai-yi-yi.

Abriel and another servant of house Purist enters.

Davison
My naked weapon is out. Quarrel!

gRAgory
(Shielding his eyes.) Jesus Christ! Put that thing away, and close the barn door when you have!

Davison
Are you sure? It may well scare away the Purists! I have your back, gRAgory!

gRAgory
That’s the last place I want you to be if your weapon is unsheathed. Now, please!

An audible zip is heard as Davison buries his root vegetable.

Davison
Here, gRAgory! This is how we shall get them!

Davison turns about face and lifts the skirt of his leather armor, letting loose a bout of fantastic flatulence.

gRAgory
Well, that’s one way to get their attention.

Abriel
Did you fart in our general direction?

Davison
(Still bent over, back to the scene, and giddy as a school boy.) I fart in your general direction!

gRAgory
Please forgive my friend, we don’t want any trouble.

Davison
But I do!

Davison begins to produce parsnips from inside his trousers and hurls them at Abriel.

gRAgory
ELE?

Abriel draws her sword and charges, producing diced parsnips as she goes. A group of peasants appears from a side alley. The smell of parsnip has summoned them, tongues-a-waggin’.

Peasant 1
Oh, what a wonderful soup we will ma-

Davison
(As he shoves a potato into the mouth of Peasant 1.) Ah-ha!

Peasant 2 sits cross-legged in the middle of the street and begins to nibble on parsnip.

Peasant 2
(In the voice of an old woman.) I haven’t eaten this well in decades. Thanks be to G-owww!

Abriel pushes over Peasant 2 as she nears the enemy.

Abriel
Out of my way, you old bag!

gRAgory reluctantly draws his sword and blocks Abriel’s advancing blows. A spectacular fight begins!

Spoiler:

by Pettytyrant101 Wed Aug 06, 2014 10:39 am

And you said you couldnt do it! Brilliant Bungo, great fun. I finally get to read a Forumshire Shakespeare parody I didnt write and I loved it. cheers

As to your spoiler content- thats how I feel every time I start writing something and even quite often when its finished. Very Happy