Diary of a Little Whelsh Girl

POSTER's NOTE:

The diary entries set to follow (when written) will be posted on behalf of Anon Author, quoted directly from an unknown Whelsh girl's diary.

I, of course, will disown any responsibility for what is entered below - though I'm sure whatever gets posted will be perfectly true and accurate (apparently).

Yours truly,
Orwell Jackaboots McOdo.

Sunday, May 19th.

Breakfast. Cornflakes.

Lunch. A cabbage sandwich and apple juice. I'm regular at the moment, though a bit gassy.

Dinner. Potato and leek soup.

The whales were spouting in the bay tonight. I love living on the the Whales coast.

Been thinking of Orwell all day again. Dream, dream, dream.... I know he's old enough to be my grandfather (and suffers badly from headaches from time to time), but he does sound scrummy dishy yummy. I think Norc is soooo jealous of our relationship. I've fooled her completely. She is Norweigan, of course. She must never ever ever find out I'm not really having a sordid saucy affair with Orwell. [sigh]

Much as I disapprove of this sort of thing (the Bugle publishing, well anything I mean) I have to admit this does have a ring of authenticity about it.

I reading diaries.

Oh no - but I'd love to be.

weird

What IS normal Mrs Figg ?? Ive lost the plot !

I dont think anything here is normal, but Orwell takes the biscuit.

Is that a diary entry?

And besides the cosmic vaccum cant drain the stellar sparkle, it transmits it.

unless the cosmic vacuum is a Hoover and then most of it goes up your nose. talking of noses and sucking, how are you feeling today Petty?

Better thanks Mrs Figg.
The flu symptons have pretty much gone, just a sniffle left.
But round my eyes are still inflammed and itchy, sort of like excema, dry and irratable.
Off to the Doctors tomorrow to see about that.

defo an allergy then my guess because flu doesnt go that quickly, it takes at least 5 days for flu to bugger off normally. So I bet he will ask you about allergies or if you have done something strange with thistles/haggis/deep fried Marsbars. did you do or go somewhere new? or use a new cosmetic product? you know the special ones that depilate Scottish legs, Always a bit toxic due to Scottish leg hair being like fur.

I use sandpaper on my legs so no changes there. And my diet has always been, traditional.
Im dreading Ive developed an allergy to something I wasnt previously allergic too- and praying if so its not cats! If so I will live with looking like a red eyed panda before I get rid of them.

And if its buckie I may as well end it all!

he will probably ask if you have used or done something new, as if you are exposed to say a new soap (do Scotshobbits use soap?? its probably lard) that irritates your eyes it could be that, but you seemed to have a short but dramatic allergic reaction to something. it could be pollen but cats would make you wheeze and cough as well and it would be all the time rather than sudden. as its your eyes it sounds like something you used near them. or a chemical, could be a spray for the garden or home. even new domestic cleaners can be toxic. but he will probably ask you all this stuff.

casting concepts of self to the floor like discarded clothes ................... A once worn broken concept ...Orwell knows how

CC12 35 wrote:cosmic vacuum
draining the stellar sparkle
from her tired young eyes

Spooooky or what....





From Wholesome Tales:


Chapter Twelve
...from the Book of Geneticist



"In the Beginning," (Frodo began), "long long ago, in a time before anyone gathered here on the Polkafloor of the Prancing Prancer was born (apparently), there was nothing..."

"Nothing!" Halfy gasped.

"Not a thing, my little Halfy-fairy."

"Not even an atom?"

"Not even one."

"Oh... I didn't know that..."

"You do now... Eru looked upon the Great Nothingness and said...."

"So it was a Great Vacuum, was it?" Halfy mused aloud. "Or a Great Void?"

"Yes, a Great Void," Frodo answered, slightly abruptly.

"HalfY! Will you just let him tell the story," Orwell grumbled as, in spite of certain reservations he had with where the tale might take them, he was getting interested.

"If it was a Great Vacuum, was the Universe then like a Great Vacuum Cleaner?"Amarie mused aloud. "I mean, the Vacuum Cleaner might have given the Great Vacuum form and structure?" Amarie was a Mother with two young children and vacuum cleaners tended to take up much of her focus, especially on Fridays, as she liked the house to be vacuumed in time for the weekend, her husband being quite fastidious, though by no means a chauvinistic pig.

"No," Frodo said carefully, "the Universe didn't actually exist at the beginning..."

"Where did Eru live then?" Norc asked with all the naivity of youth.

"Yes," Rodney butted in. "What did he sit down on?"

"He didn't sit down on anything!" Frodo said, trying to stifle his annoyance.

"Aye!" Petty offered helpfully, "Eru doen harv no buttocks..."

"Yes he does!" David barked. "Everyone has buttocks!"

"Spirits don't," Lance said wisely, even though mentioning Spirits in Forumshire could get you killed. "Spirits have no substance. And Eru is the Greatest Spirit and so has more Nothingness than any other living thing, though He's not a Thing as such... Nor," he added archly, "does he contain atoms."

Halfy saw the putdown for what it was, and just then he thought of killing Lance, but decided to cut him down instead by using pure logic. "Atoms are the building blocks of everything!"

"So," Lance commented snidely, "Are you saying Eru built the Universe out of blocks - like some little hobbit lad by his bed on the floor?"

"You know I didn't mean 'blocks'" Halfy angrily replied. "I meant atoms..."

"You did say 'blocks', though..."

"Please! Pleeeeease!" Frodo interceded. "Do you want me to tell this tale?"

"I do! I do!" Orwell cried out excitedly, as all the interuptions were only making him more interested in Frodo's tale, not that there had been much of it yet.

"Yes, go on," Amarie pressed, though a little suspiciously, because she suspected Frodo's tale might involve a certain Heretical element (or aspect); the business of the Great Vacuum Cleaner having put her in a state of Motherly unease.

"Well, Eru said, 'Let there be light!'"

"Oh!" Halfy said nodding his head sagely. "I'd forgot about Wave Theory..."

"What have waves got to do with it?" Aleek wanted to know, as she lived on the Whelsh coast and had been staring mournfully out to sea most of her young life, though the whales in Summer always made her less mournful and made her poetry a little lighter.

"Not those kind of waves," Halfy scoffed (which was rather rude of him, I think).

"What other kind are there, you Fuckhead?" Neek asked angrily, annoyed that Halfy had scoffed at her friend, Aleek. (Those two being thick as thieves! )

"Do you fairies mind!" Frodo said tersely. "Can I get on with this tale?"

"Yes, please, please, please," Orwell cried. He was getting very excited now, I can tell you.

"Well..." Frodo took a long steadying breath. "Eru said," 'Let there be light,' and there was!"

"Was what?" Eldo asked.

"Light!" Elthir grinned. "Isn't that right, Mr Baggins!"

Frodo smiled at Elthir. You could tell Frodo liked him immediately. Eldo grimaced but said no more. (The rest of the Questers gave a polite round of applause).

"The second thing Eru said..." Frodo went on. ("Oh this is bound to be ever so good," Orwell whispered excitedly to Julia. Julia, just as enraptured, took his hand and gave it a rather excited squeeze). "Eru said: 'Let there be lots of material things, including atoms, water, rocks, and all sorts of other things useful to Malehood..."

"What about Femalehood?" Azriel protested.

You see, Azriel had been a citizen of Forumshire for a reasonably short time, and she didn't know that Males and Females were equal there, but one of them was just a little bit more equal than the other one was. It was an easy thing to miss - especially if you were a member of the one that was less equal than the other one was (apparently).

"Shush!" Orwell told Azriel. "If you can't ask a sensible question, it's best you be seen and not heard."

"You better be careful," Julia hissed in his ear. "Anon Author is on the edge... in fact, probably well over it..."

"Yes, Miss!"

"Then Eru said, 'I shall make a creature out of clay in my image'..."

"I didn't know he had an 'image'," Halfy said with eyes half closed in reflection.

"Everyone has an image," Neek said. "And you must be very careful about how you maintain it."

"You make 'maintaining an image' sound positively misleading!" Lance broke in, not knowing that saying things like that to Neek could get you killed. "Shouldn't one be oneself without pretense, illusion or deceit?" (He, of course, was only making it worse had he but known it!)

"Perhaps," Neek said carefully, "we might allow Mr Baggins to get on with the tale, shall we?"

Lance saw something in Neek's eyes just then, and he was rightly a'feard. He fell silent. (The other Questers gave a polite round of applause).

"And then Eru had fashioned a little Friend so that He would no longer be alone in the Universe."

"Is Eru a Boy or a Girl?" Aleek asked.

"He is neither," Frodo said.

"Oh..."

"Was this Friend a Boy or a Girl?" Neek wanted to know.

"A Boy, of course," Rodney said impatiently. "Bloody Hell, everyone knows that."

"And does Eru end up having you-know-what with him?"

This question caused a few unplifted eyebrows. The eyes under the eyebrows now fixed themselves upon Frodo.

"Of course He didn't!" Frodo positively shouted. "What is it with you people?"

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaay..." Neek drawled suspciously. "Go on..."

"Now Eru loved his Creation and he called him, 'Adam'.."

"Oh how lovely. I've always thought 'Adam' was a lovely strong boy's name," Amarie approved.

"I agree," Azriel said.

"I know a few Adams," Julia put in. "They're all nice boys -- mind, Adam Berky-Smith was a rather naughty come to think... but let's not speak of that... I mean, we must have been barely sixteen...." and Julia giggled.

"Tell us later," Azriel and Amarie hand-signalled her, both looking flushed. Julia went pink. Orwell frowned.

"Now Eru made a lovely garden," Frodo ploughed on, "and he would walk around it come evening..."

"Did Eru have legs?" Halfy wanted to know.

"Yes, he had legs," Frodo positively growled. "He had legs sometimes --- for when he wanted to go walking."

"Oh.. that makes sense..." Halfy said, a little embarrassed that he had not thought of that possibility.

"One evening, Eru chanced upon Adam weeping under a delicious fruit tree. 'Why are you weeping, Adam, apple-of-my-eye?' 'Oh I don't want to complain, O Lord, but I am ever so lonely.' 'But you have me as company.' "Yes O'Lord, but you only come here of an evening, and the days are long, even if the fruit here is yummy.' 'But you have the gazelles and the lions and the porcupines to talk to.' "Yes, and they are all great conversationalists I grant you, but I feel I'd like to have one of my own kind to talk to.' 'Well we can fix that. I'll make one more just like you. That's easily fixed.' 'Oh no, I don't want one just like me, I want one with subtle differences --- well, with quite different differences, actuallly.' 'What do you mean?' 'Well, you made the gazelles both Male and Female, and the lions both Male and Female, and the porcupines both Male an Female...' 'I think I get the drift, 'I do,' Eru answered (somewhat tersely), "So it's not exactly just 'talk' you're thinking of.' 'No, I admit, it's not.' 'Well, I haven't made a Female companion for you - for reasons only known to myself - and so you must make do I'm afraid. Why not seek out one of my other creatures about it?' "Oh Eru I didn't mean to make you cross, but well, it didn't end well with Hetty the Porcupine.. Oh pleeeeease can I have a Female companion?' 'Oh alright. Lie down here on the sward and I'll...' 'Pardon!' 'Don't fret. I just need one of your ribs to make a Female with.' 'Oh that makes perfect sense.'..."

'Why did Eru need Adam's rib to make a Female companion?" Azriel asked, it being her turn to be suspicious now.

"Do you want to hear this story out or not?" Frodo almost yelled, he being quite frustrated by now. (Frodo was not as used to Forumshirans as we are, of course, dear reader).

"I do," Tin said. "I'm a good Catholic girl, and frankly I'm happy with how things are going. I am a Born-from-the-rib' girl!"

"Well, I'm not," Azriel complained. "Why couldn't Eru have made both Male and Female at the same time? I mean, I seem to remember there are two versions of the Creation of Humanity in the Book of Geneticist, isn't there?"

"I'm telling the rib-version," Frodo growled. (He had always been a sexist mind).

"Well, we girls want the other version," Julia hissed. "The one where Eru made both Male and Female at the same time."

"That's not the version I like," Lance put in brusquely (not knowing saying things like that could get you killed in Forumshire).

"So do I," Orwell said, trying to be helpful.

"Ock tha noo!" Petty burst out suddenly. "Did they ware clooze buk then?"

"Pardon?" all the Questers asked.

"Whun Eroo mad thut lad and lady, did 'e give 'em clooze too ware?"

"I bet you it wasn't a kilt," Julia said. (She could be quite a bitch when she wanted to be).

"Oct!" Petty ocked, giving Julia a rather nasty glare.

"I'm off," Frodo said quietly, his tone laden with manifest pissedoffideness as he stumped out of the Prancing Prancer.

"Touchy!" Elthir commented. Even Eldo had to agree.




This reminds me of something Odo once said: "Forumshire is full of circular connections." I must admit, I was confused when he said it, but I'm not confused no more! He also said Kooky was a Kook, but I understood that bit.

CC12 35 wrote:casting concepts of self to the floor like discarded clothes ................... A once worn broken concept ...Orwell knows how

Wow! It gets even deeper...(apparently)


"Ock tha noo!" Petty burst out suddenly. "Did they ware clooze buk then?"

"Pardon?" all the Questers asked.

"Whun Eroo mad thut lad and lady, did 'e give 'em clooze too ware?"

"I bet you it wasn't a kilt," Julia said. (She could be quite a bitch when she wanted to be).

"Oct!" Petty ocked, giving Julia a rather nasty glare.

This too!

"What have waves got to do with it?" Aleek wanted to know, as she lived on the Whelsh coast and had been staring mournfully out to sea most of her young life, though the whales in Summer always made her less mournful and made her poetry a little lighter.

See first Diary Entry! Wowser!

Monday, 20 May

Oh the Whales were at it today. Spouting and spouting like there was no tomorrow and yesterday but a tangled web of gossamer musings. I wrote poetry until noon. Mother made creamed rice. It took hours but it was so creamy in the end. I don't like packet vanilla beans, but I hardly noticed... yum yum yum. I want to be a Marine Biologist but Norc says they never make good poets. I wonder if Orwell is thinking about me. I hope so. [sigh] I don't care what Norc says, he isn't an old perv... he's not, not, not, not...

there's an ocean inside of her and her thoughts beat along to the rhythm of the tides

Oh how lovelee, CC. I often think thouhts like that. I was only thinking the same thing at the fishmongers this morning, in fact, as we're having salmon tonight, and home made tartare sauce.

and then you get shipwrecked.