Re: 'An Unexpected Journey' in theatres | SPOILER THREAD

[Norc]

it's just him being there that doesn't really add up, but if your not gonna hade the necromancer as the main villain in the first movie and Smaug being to far in the future, then I guess, Azog isn't such a bad choice. I do agree Bilbo shouldn't have rescued Thorin and all that, but when they didn't leave it with two movies and could've ended it with the spiders.. then what the heck.

[Eldorion]

Well, I disliked both Azog's presence in the film and his visual appearance! I think it was more just the design choices they made. I do wish they had used more physical effects but Azog wasn't the worst CGI in the film. I get the sense that they spent more time trying to get him to look real. The animators couldn't make him look less ridiculous though since they had to work from the concept art and designs.

[Norc]

I feel bad about not writing a review.. as I promised, but I feel it's too late now. I would defo have the most positive one, but now I've read Eldo's and some other point go views, I need to go back and rethink my initial thoughts. I loved it, no doubt about it, but there were some flaws.... some.

[Norc]

the animation on Azog was great. When he talked and you could see like neck and stomach movements.. it was great.

[Eldorion]

I would love to read any review you put together if you decide to do that, Norc, either now or after you see the film again! I'm not trying to get anyone to dislike the film and I'd love to hear someone who was more positive about it elaborate on their thoughts. I think most of us can agree that there were things to enjoy in the film.

[Mrs Figg]

I thought the Necromancer was odd, it was a kind of blurry black shadow thing, I dont get it. I thought they might make him scarier.
I thought Azog was obviously cgi and that made me not bothered, as he didnt scare me. The Uruks from LOTR seemed real creatures because they were blokes in costume not computer made. They were far scarier in my opinion. Even the wargs were scarier in TT, although they were worse cgi than in this film.

[Eldorion]

the animation on Azog was great. When he talked and you could see like neck and stomach movements.. it was great.

I assume the Azog was done with motion capture and he definitely showed off the advances in that technology. Gollum looked great in LOTR and I think he still holds up even now, but the technology today is unquestionably better and Azog (and the new Gollum) are both first-rate examples of that. Still, I do see where Mrs Figg is coming from because practical effects and costumes have a physical presence that you really can't get with a computer.

[Mrs Figg]

Eldo. its the eyes. if you look in Azogs eyes they are dead, its cgi. whereas the uruk was alive, you can tell subconsciously when something is real.



The Eagle sequence was awesome.

[Norc]

yeah, yeah. I would like too to have only costumes, but when I can't, the cgi was great.

btw.. I choked... because when I see a film I really like for the first time, I usually sit through the ending credits, at least until that song has played out (when only one or two names comes up at a time) and then suddenly I see

Lee Pace
Benedict Cumerbatch

I died... because Lee Pace is just briefly in it, and Benedict? wtf! HE SAID ONE WORD! I thought it may be him, but I couldn't recognize him! OMG!knsaøkg sub !!!!

[Orwell]

I'm not coming here again until I've seen the movie I think... Yep, I think that might be best....

[Norc]

eagles where great. And I am glad they stuck to the fact that eagles are TERRIBLE at air fighting and only good at picking things up.

I mean.. srlsy.. an eagly fighting of a Nazgul (not that I think they are any better though) but I've seen a seagull.. and even crows fight off Eagles. BIG eagles. LOL.

[Eldorion]

I died... because Lee Pace is just briefly in it, and Benedict? wtf! HE SAID ONE WORD! I thought it may be him, but I couldn't recognize him! OMG!knsaøkg sub !!!!

When did Benedict Cumberbatch say his one word? I tried to remember when I saw his name in the credits but I'm not sure if he said anything during the very brief appearances of the Necromancer and Smaug.

I'm not coming here again until I've seen the movie I think... Yep, I think that might be best....

Aaw, sorry. Too many spoilers, I guess.

[David H]

I've got tickets for tomorrow's matinee at 12:30 pm PST. I'm trying to be good. The book is beside me as I type, but so far I've resisted the temptation to open it and reread the scenes you all keep mentioning.

[Mrs Figg]

did anyone see it in 48/3D? I saw it in 2D/24. might try 3D if people say its good.

[Norc]

it's good in 3D, dunno about 48 though the sub is distracting, I'de preferred to see it without

[CC12 35]

I didnt realize until I saw the Hobbit for the 2nd time today that they explained why Thorin is called Oakenshield.

[Pettytyrant101]

So round one of Petty v PJ, brought to you by Pure Publications gets under way. This will be a three round competition.
Petty was attached to a monitoring chair which in turn was hooked to a bank of crabbit meters, which in turn has a team of top NotP Boffins to monitor and record their readings in real time.

Here are their findings as they occurred.

Hey its Bilbo. He looks different. He sounds different too. Odd. And there is Frodo, looking much older and thinner. Um anyone know the point of all this? Hello? Scriptwriters?
Ah I see we are getting a continuity breaking intro to the dwarves.
Strangely there is no mention anywhere of the 7 dwarven rings at all. Not one word. Instead Thror just goes mad with greed for gold, or something.
And did Bilbo start his book twice then? What's going on? This isn't how Bilbo's book begins, we saw him begin it in FotR with 'Concerning Hobbits'
Hey the opening line from the book- crabbit meters dip - hey wait a minute- they changed the ending of it- the most iconic opening in children’s literature and PJ rewrites it?!!!

At this point there was a dangerous fluctuation in crabbit levels noted which had been slowly increasing since the films beginning, with the growing realisation the intro serves no useful purpose at all, save to link this directly with PJ's Lotr's- however Petty's crabbit levels begin to drop back off as he (wrongly as it turns out) believes PJ has now played the LotR's card and got it out the way.

Its the 'Good morning' dialogue- more or less- crabbit meter levels go into a swift decline, but still some hovering due to apparently unnecessary changes to the dialogue and the loss of the scene's final line.
There is also some uncertainty being picked up from Petty over Martin Freeman's performance, which seems rather forced, and acted and not as natural as had been hoped.
A serious character who is funny without knowing or meaning to be seems better than one which seems semi aware he is being ridiculous.
However Boffins were reading unexpected results after the initial intro, and with the dwarves arriving crabbit meter levels have setted into the positive as a rendition of crack the plates comes along- its a little overplayed, but its jolly fun and reminds Petty of the book- meters are registering high approval ratings against all the odds.
Sadly it is a short lived phenomenon and extra buckie is needed in a sudden crabbit emergency as the film pitches into Smaug attack on Dale- which just sems shot weirdly as they strive to avoid recealing Smaug, even thoughhe is the focus of everything going on. This scene is suplimentd later with another dwarvish flashback, a completely bastardised version of the war between the dwarves and the goblins.
In a film which will turn out to be in desperate need of a little complication in its narrative PJ squanders the chance to add any here and simplifies, simplifies.
Crabbit meters head into the danger zone as Azog fails to die and looks completely rubbish at the same time.
The battle itself is largely a visual mess of unfocused chaos- exactly what the viewer is supposed to be focusing on is anyone’s guess as a million cgi things swarm the screen to little avail.
Meters are also reading dangerous levels on the 'WTF' meter (dedicated to working out what's going on)- this meter was reading the problems Petty was having working out what the plot was supposed to be- the dwarves are fighting the orcs in order to retake Moria- but they don’t retake it because the Balrog is in there- but they knew the Balrog was in there before they made the plan to go retake it so didn’t they have an idea of what they were going to do?
Eventually we get the confrontation between Thorin and Azog in this battle and Thorin chops Azog's arm off. Then spends the rest of the film declaring Azog is dead long ago- despite seeing him helped away by his minions, and despite every time Thorin says "he died long ago" every other member of the cast looking shifty or giving each other knowing glances.
And for Azog PJ should surely win a prize this year for most contrived antagonist ever in a film.
Azog will now regularly appear in the film solely for the purpose of giving Thorin someone to fight at the end and to piss all over Bilbos development in the book- but more on that travesty of Tolkien later, for now crabbit levels are in the red!
Back in Bag End fortunately there is a bit more singing which eases crabbit levels back down with intermittent spikes as clumsy out of place dialogue continually surfaces.
Boffins, who were also monitoring some of Petty's companions as a comparative, note that without Petty's inherent crabbit spikes to keep him angrily interested, they have already succumbed to boredom and noticing how numb their bottoms are.

Finally after some clumsy humour over different ways Bilbo could die and the joke contract Bilbo leaves Bag End, with crabbit levels taking a bit of a spike at the lack of letter on mantelpiece or any Gandalf involvement in sending Bilbo off.
But dips again at the handkerchief getting a mention, although like all things PJ there is still a crabbit tremor in that he has to even blow that small detail up - as if to highlight it and say 'look, something from the book. stop complaining'.
In what is probably one of two deserving awards for most contrived set up for exposition we now go from Gandalf being asked about the other wizards (although amazingly Petty's crabbit humour meter registered a hit here as Gandalf fails to remember the names of the other two wizards- because PJ doesn’t have the rights to the book with their names in it) and the scene flies
to Radagast.

Boffins were prepared for a potential crabbit explosion at this point in the film and whilst crabbit levels spiked throughout the Radagast scenes they were never as bad as feared.
Partly this was down to him having relatively little screen time and even less dialogue- the distinct impression is gained however that the more there is of Radagast the more he has to say- the worse crabbit levels will become at his presence.
Crabbit levels also spiked at it being Radagast not Gandalf who goes to Dol Guldur. And the bunny sled, whilst brief enough on this first appearance was largely inoffensive whilst still looking ridiculous.
But the worst thing about Radagast is his only purpose in the film is to convey the sub-plot from point A- Mirkwood- to Point B- Gandalf- how he got there is another matter and sets off crabbit meters right across the specturm.

Meanwhile the trolls are making an appearance and crabbit levels dip back off. A little shifting around of how this encounter comes into being does not seem hugely necessary but provides Fili and Kili with something to do.
Talking trolls keep crabbit levels low but in what turns out to be an on going trend there are continual peaks as out of place anachronistic dialogue keeps popping up.
Levels take a further dip with a snot gag and head back down again when Gandalf fails to trick the trolls. The arrival of wargs- who seem to have been rendered in high quality expertly and painstakingly by Weta- then photoshopped by an amateur onto the backgrounds- sends crabbit levels into a frenzy.
However there is a moment where all crabbit levels cease and this is when Petty is asking himself "Why are we in Rohan now?" as a ridiculous chase scene involving Wargs, Radagast, a bunny sled, the landscape of Rohan and some of the worst cgi seen in a very long time.
Again the 'WTF?' meter lit up here as Gandalf got everyone to go safety down a hole which leads to a tunnel that leads to Rivendell. Seemingly this was Gandalf's plan all along as Thorin didn’t want to go there.
Now how did Gandalf know they would end up there? The wargs were circling round, randomly changing direction chasing Radagast, who seemed hell bent instead of leading the wargs away to instead continually lead them in front of Gandalf and the dwarves so cutting them off and forcing them to change direction. Yet amazingly they ended right by a secret way into Rivendell Gandalf had been leading them too anyway- and how was he planning to get them to go if the wargs hadn't shown up? At this point the 'oh what the fuck, who cares any more' meter lit up.
Extra buckie was again required at this point to prevent an imminent explosion.

Ah Rivendell, crabbit meters reflect well on the sight and Petty appears to be looking forward to seeing the effect the elves have on Bilbo and to showing why it is to Rivendell he would go in his old age.
Sadly PJ decides to forget all about Bilbo at this point and instead we get a LotR's reunion, which looks like what it is, phoned in by three actors in different studios from one another.
The point of this conversation appeared to be solely to increase crabbit levels- as first Gandalf bastardises some more Tolkien by talking about the Witch-King being defeated, killed and put in a tomb. And then by giving Saruman a shity set of excuses for having opposition- no mention of the dwarf rings, or any, and no mention of the Nazgul apart from the witch-kings tomb, no apparently instead Saruman is trying to convince the rest of the so called Wise that the Necromancer is
just some normal bloke doing a bit of magic. The WTF meter goes into overload and needs buckie to cool it.
Following some moon rune reading which is well enough played but requires a change of location for no other reason than to have a dramatic cgi waterfall in it.
So while Gandalf jaws the dwarves and a presumably unimpressed with Rivendell Bilbo head off into the mountains. Where they get involved in one of the most contrived and pointless action sequences, in a film with a good few contenders for that title.
The stone giants, this scene appears to exist solely for the benefit of those watching in 3D- as it serves no reasonable purpose in 2D.
Making the sliding staircase intermission in Moria in FotR look like a necessity of plot making in comparison, the stone giant scene is an exercise in undermining any sense of danger.
Crabbit levels were spiking continually as people dangled from cliffs, dangled from each other, got smashed into cliff faces, heaved through the air and dangled a bit more of high things.
A little known fact about Tolkiens dwarves PJ seems to believe is that they are made of
rubber.
This is fortunate as worse is yet to come and crabbit meters were already dangerously high.
Crabbit meters dip again slightly as the dwarves seek refuge from all the cgi outside by going in a cave and a decent scene follows as Bilbo decides he is not cut out for this and is going home- of course the problem here, and detected by crabbit meters, is that anyone who had just gone through all that with the stone giants would have sooner eaten their own feet off than go back outside again - let alone someone who had decided they had had enough.
The WTF meter was back in action, ruining what could otherwise have been a nice moment had it
been better placed.
Crabbit meters peaked again when the floor of the cave gave way and everyone took another PJ tumble which should have left them a pile of broken bones and death but barely knocks the wind out of anyone.
The sea of cgi goblins that makes an appearance harbour what is, for the entire Goblin Town section, a video game, but one in which you never get a go and that doesn't look that much fun anyway.

At this point Boffins believed they had a problem with crabbit meters as all readings fell away to nothing. In a panic it seemed likely that Petty had in fact passed away during the Goblin Town section, but upon closer examination it turned out he had just lost the will to live.

Crabbit meters took a respite when the scene shifted back to Bilbo and Riddles in the Dark.
Crabbit meters went back into the green for the first time since the Bag End scenes at Gollum's glowing eyes- but where the hell were they in LotR's PJ? is a thought which sets Petty's crabbit meter back off again.
There is a little overplaying of the split personalities, but the scene is the best in the film and registers the most favourable readings on the Petty crabbit meter. The inclusion of some of the riddles keeps crabbit meters well under control.
A few small pikes occur, particularly some of the humour, and the shifting of the buttons scene from the back door, which seemed unnecessary.

However crabbit meters have barely had a respite before Azog turns back up. A small dip in readings results from Petty realising its nearly over but they soon go back up as the fir trees scene turns into another excuse to dangle not just one person, but everyone off a cliff this time.

And then the worst thing in a film of bad things occurs. Thorin decides to fight Azog one on one, despite it seems being a bit shit at the old fighting lark, as he is soon dispatched and pinned down helplessly and so Bilbo attacks the orc ordered to behead Thorin- and stabs him to death.
At this point all meters drop again and the meter reading shock levels goes through the roof causing a minor fire.
The little character development Bilbo had being given has just been shat out the window.
Bilbo stabs an orc, to death, saving Thorin.
Thorin however may be dead- and with good reason as he was not only badly thrown about whacked in the face with a mace which would have surely shattered every bone in his jaw, but bitten through by warg teeth measuring at least 3 inches in length each.
However as PJ's dwarves are made of rubber all it takes is a bit of a breeze as the eagles fly them all to safety. This bit of a breeze seemingly also now means Thorin realises how wrong he was about Bilbo- who can kill with the best of them so is to be welcomed with open arms.
Everyone hugs and cheers, except Petty who is crying by this point.
A final crabbit meter spike occurs as we see Smaug playing hide and seek under his gold and wondering why it has taken the dwarves so long to try and come and find him.
And as a final insult he is not even close to Golden looking.

Petty was carried from the cinema on a stretcher following this investigation- his final words were "the trailer for PI was quite good." He is currently on a buckie drip until he recovers.

Final crabbit meter average reading -

[Mrs Figg]

so did you like it then?

[Pettytyrant101]

[Mrs Figg]

[Mrs Figg]

not even a teeny weeny bit? even though you had to take a boat a train and a bus and a donkey ride to get to the cinema. did you see it in the full monty? 48/3D?

[Pettytyrant101]

no I saw it in my local shed- 24fps- 2d and occasionally out of focus.

My view of it was positive compared to those I went with- over long, pointless, like a video game- just some of the things said about it afterwards.

[CC12 35]

So you're on the fence on this 1

[Pettytyrant101]

Im on the buckie because of this! And plenty of it. And not enough yet- if I close my eyes I can still see the film!

[CC12 35]

I'm confused
So u didn't enjoy the film?