NanoWriMo

Thanks for the feedback. I agree it needs work, tightening up and sorting. It has to be said that in the effort to get 50,000 words by the 30th I am trying to take one pass at things and move on. The description of the kitchen and space in particular is a work in progress as it is still forming in my mind! (A Nano mantra is that December is for editing!)

On the base units thing - this is a consequence of writing at silly o'clock and finding words have disappeared! meant kitchen cupboards, that's all, nothing fancy!

I confess I have trouble doing descriptions and setting scenes. I much prefer getting the characters conversing as quick a possible. Once they're yapping their personalities seem to come out more naturally for some reason. What I mean is, I definitely feel for you. Descriptions? Why not a camera?

Hey, what you've done so far is good, and I do take into account it is a draft, but I think an honest response is always best.

As to taking one pass at things and moving on, I do that too generally. It is easy to get bogged down in a long story otherwise.

And if one writes at "silly" o'clock, one is revealed as a "writer" (and a "crazy" person, which is the same thing, really! )

Meant to add to my dark planet fic tonight, but instead found myself playing with one of the bits of myth building for this old chestnut.

Not sure what I make of this. It is the thrid pass at this little passage and before tonight was twice as long and in very dodgy faux epic myth prose. It also reminded my why I tend not to do verse! Would apprecate some constructive feedback. It is heavily borrowed from a number of end of the world ideas, but is meant to form my version of the celtic apolcalypse myth (of which there isn't one really) on which to build my story stuff.

Ever the wheel will turn; life awaken, bear fruit and then fade away.
Ever the wheel will turn and then the end shall come.

Without the call of fire,
Summer will slumber and fade.
Winter alone shall rule in ice,
Dull and dark be all days.

Fathers will slaughter the young
Brothers betray one and other.
Mothers shall seduce sons,
And siblings reach for each other.

Ever the wheel will turn; hate burn, hunger crave, desire run unchecked,
Ever the wheel will turn and then the end shall come.

Burn of fire shall cover the land,
To brand it with its mark.
Flaming hail will rain from the sky,
Red rivers rush from the deep.

The tortured earth will writhe in pain,
And battle to shed its skin.
Shuddering mountains shall tumble and fall,
To crash deep in the abyss.

Ever the wheel will turn; land tremble, sparks flare and the water smother,
Ever the wheel will turn and then the end shall come.

From the barren waste,
Shall rise the sacred spring,
Bursting forth from sterile ashes,
The tree shall shoot once more.

Heralded by a stead of white,
Spirits and flesh shall meld,
Reawakened bird and beast,
Shall swell and cover the land.

Ever the wheel will turn, life awaken, bear fruit and then fade away,
Ever the wheel will turn and life springs forth again.