Amarie's Adventures in Forumland

I know Mrs Figg, see how it descends when the men are involved   

Chapter Seven


"Oh my goodness," Amarie exclaimed.

"Yes, we know, we know," Julia and Azriel grumbled with their hands carefully placed in case any naughty old hobbits were watching.

"No, no, no... Well, yes... But anyway, look... The door is locked."

"I knew we should have paid more attention to that key," Julia moaned. "I just knew it." She looked up. "We'll never reach the table top even if we stood on each other's shoulders."

And they all started to cry - including Amarie this time - and the room started filling up.

"If we keep crying," Amarie brightened up. "We will float up to the table top."

The other two brightened up too. But then they noticed that they were only half way up and had stopped crying.

As they floated, Julia scowled and said, "Well, what now?"

"Well, there's nothing for it," Azriel said. And she took out a hairpin out of her long flaxen locks and duck dived into the big puddle of tears.

"I dare say she intendds to pick the lock. Oh she's so clever," Amarie said. "It's all those burglaries she did when she was a child."

"Not only clever, but she has a rather nicely formed bottom, don't she think?"

Amarie blushed but could not deny it. "Like a lovely pair of buns."

"Currant buns or sticky buns?"

"I'm not really sure...."



Here is a photographers impression. You decide, dear reader.





"Oh good, the tears are receding again," Julia said joyfully, and before long the three of them were carried on the puddle of tears as it swirled through the little door.

"I hope we don't see anyone we know," Julia said. "They may think we're naked on purpose."

"Not nice girls like us, surely," Amarie said.

"And it's not like we had any choice in the matter," Azriel grumbled.

The three girls were tumbled along until they came to a beach.

"I wonder where we are?" Azriel asked as she enjoyed the sunshine on her beautiful naked body.

"I don't have any idea," Julia said thoughtfully as she shook out the salty tears from her gorgeous red hair so that it dripped down her wonderful nakedness to the sheer joy of any naughty old hobbits who may have been looking on from some bushes up the beach.  

"I feel so exposed," Amarie blushed all over, a lovely pink colour, very pleasant to the eye.

"It must be Forumland!" Azriel exclaimed suddenly.

"That stands to reason," Julia complained. "Why are the bushes quivering up there? I hope no old naughty pervous hobbits are hiding in them."

"I'm late, I'm late," came the recognisable voice of Richard Cucumberback as he hurried past.

The three girls giggled like schoolgirls and pretended to hide their special bits from him. But Richard hurried on oblivious.

Julia frowned. "He could have at least had a little peek, you know.."

"Quick! Let's follow him," Azriel said. "He's bound to get tired sooner or later and then we can catch up and do as we like with him."

"Oh dear," Amarie blushed. "Whatever do you mean by that, Sister?"

Julia and Azriel looked at her scornfully.

"As if," they said in unision. "As if!"

     


I dare say this is the kind of mental picture those disgusting young women had just then in their febrile minds!

Chapter Four

Out of the bushes came a most curious person... He looked very respectable.  




"Oh my," Amarie squealed. "It's him. It's him! It is him, isn't it?"

Julia's eyes narrowed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I have no idea. Ol' Anon was going through some old photos and thought, 'Why not?' He does tend to do these things spontaneuously.Not that spontaneously is always easy to spell. Might I say, you do look rather lovely in all your naked innocence?"

"That may be so," Azriel grimaced - though her eyes glinted a little, as if she didn't mind a compliment about her naked loveliness every once in awhile. "But I think Ol' Anon has a damn cheek taking liberties with us."

"I dare say, it's not respectable at all," Odo mused as he carefully studied each of them, making them feel even more naked. "Am I blushing? I am rather shy, you know. Would you like me to conjure up some clothes for you?"

"That would be an unexpected courtesy, I'm sure," Amarie said, trying rather vainly to cover up her rather ample proportions with her dainty little hands.

"Zim zam a bim bam!" Odo cried. And poof! The three young women were back in their dresses, looking very demure and very very surprised.  

"That's an amazing trick," Julia congratulated him. "How did you do that?"

"It was mere nothing that Ol' Anon came up with. You know, he's thinking of keeping it all nice from now on. He knows I like things to be respectable."

The three young women looked stunned... and suspicious, like they didn't believe it, or weren't prepared to believe it for long.

"Have you ever heard of the Wizard of Oz?" Odo asked presently.

"Yeeees...." the three answered  as they took in their clothed forms with uncertainty.

"Yes, it's me - at least in this story - and I have a small task for you."

"And what's that?" Julia asked, squinting at him with eyes that sought to read his mind.

"There is a Wicked Witch from the West that I need you to go and kill and bring her broomstick to me.Then I'll help you get back to Kansas."

"I don't want to go back to Kansas," Azriel told him.

"Well, Manchester, or whatever," Odo said tersely. "Anyway, are you prepared to do as I ask?"

"Do we get to keep our dresses on?" Amarie asked.

"Of course you do," Odo said. "If that's what you want."

"I smell a rat" Julia growled.

"There is a catch, of course," Odo grinned.

"I knew it!" Azriel exploded. "What's the catch?"

"Richard Cucmberback. If he comes along... and for any reason,.. you feel the need to remove your dresses.. well, you won't be able to."

"That doesn't sound fair," Julia complained. "Not that I can think of any reason of why I would take my dress off if he was around..."

"Does it apply to our knickers as well?" Azriel asked exploratively.

"Of course it does. Really, ladies, I thought that was the point of all this."

"Can we have five minutes to think about it?" Amarie asked.

"I don't need five minutes," Julia squealed.

"So... you want to keep your dresses on --- and your knickers...?

"Well, we will need to go to the toilet, you know..." Azriel said limply. "Talk about a pretty peckle... well, I've made my mind up..." And she started to take her dress off.

"Pardon me," Odo rebuked her immediately. "You know that's Ol' Anon's job, not yours!"

With an angry look on her face, Azriel put the straps back over her shoulders.

Odo looked very satisfied. As shown in the picture below.

 I think Ole Anon might be steering into some tricky waters here!

   definately one toe in naughty waters

Yep, decidedly dodgy ! but, Im not complaining to much....(yet) as Ive never looked so good in all my life    shame its just a fantasy    Ive always wanted to be a woman,with legs & things, pert bum, pert...well you know... not an over sized spud....dwarf spud at that....hey ho  

One must be careful  what one wishes for, Azriel...  

Just got back- so going to eat some haggis and shortbread, pour myself a buckie (well I say pour but I mean that literally, from bottle to throat) and read your story Amarie.

Chapter Eleven Point Two

"You must be very careful as you go," Odo said in a Fatherly way. "There are many dangers along the way. First there will be Creeps, then there'll be Perverts, and then Molesters after that.... And that's just the next three chapters..."

"Oh my," Azriel said. "I hope there won't be any ugly witches as well."

"No, Ol' Anon prefers your sexy Snow White type witch to your repulsive Wizard of Oz types..."

"Don't we seem to mixing up our stories here?" Julia said and could not help yawning. "It's awfully lazy way to write spoofs you know."

"Is this technically a spoof?" Odo asked looking surprisingly thoughtful.

"I'm not sure," Amarie answered (she being the Librarian and all). "If I ever survive this Adventure, I'll look it up in the Skattykatzenberg Encycolopedia."

"Yes, you do that. I of course prefer the Needlehole Almanac... but never mind... Now I will give each of you a gift to get past the Creeps, Perverts, and Molesters, but after that you'll have to use your own resources. Here, Amarie. Take this."

"A torch?"

"Turn it on and the Creeps will creep off into the shadows. Now, Julia, you take this."

"Is it some kind of balloon?"

"It is. Perverts don't like things like that. They are prone to quite unsavoury practices and ghastly diseases - and unwanted pregnancies! - but I'll not speak of such things in a Children's Story. Here Azriel."

"A grey wig?"

"Yes, if the Molesters think there's an adult about they'll scuttle off like cockroaches."

"But we're older girls fully formed," Julia said. "Not little children."

"Well, give me back that wig then..." Odo said tersely.

"And this balloon," Julia said suddenly. "I just realized what it is. Why can't Amarie or Azriel have it? Why I am always portrayed as the slutty one?"

"Do you ever read back your posts perchance? But give it back to me if you're going to be prudish all of a sudden." Odo turned away abruptly to face Amarie. "I suppose you'll not want the torch then either."

"I am used to dealing with Creeps," Amarie said slowly. "Skattykatzenberg is full of them. You've never heard of the Antiherrings have you - originally from Daneland?"

"Oh give it here too," Odo said grumpily. "Women! Bloody hard to please. Off you go then."

And Odo gave them each a firm pat on the bottom, one after the other, and sent them on their way toward Creepy Forest.

  

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Just got back- so going to eat some haggis and shortbread, pour myself a buckie (well I say pour but I mean that literally, from bottle to throat) and read your story Amarie.

Are you on the right thread just now, Petty?

No, I possibly should have mentioned I might be a tad drunk already, but only a tad, I think.  
On the other hand by a strange coincidence it can also apply to anything Old Anon happens to post in the immediate future, so thats handy!    

{{{Dastardly cunning escape!    }}}

Looking forward to deciphering your drunken ramblings, Petty. Wherever they might be posted.

I have pm'ed you my ramblings Amarie- well at least I think I have    

Hey you two -- sod off!   

You know this sort of thing probably wouldn't happen if Old anon had put up a new chapter    (and admittedly if I wasn't so drunk I know longer know what thread I'm on   )

this place is going to pot To POT I SAY!!!!!!   

Ol' Anon never uses the stuff!   



{{{Gawd! Imagine if he did!   }}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:I have pm'ed you my ramblings Amarie- well at least I think I have    

You are a prince! The good kind, that is. Thank you!

A couple installments back I had my hopes up when their dresses were off, then Odo put them back on and I felt heartsick, perking up a bit as Azriel started to take her dress back off, only to be slingshot back as she was stopped.

You are playing us like fiddles, Ole Anon, and this particular hobbit does not appreciate it!   

 Ol' Anon doesn't usually do suspense --- maybe he's got mixed up between suspense and suspenders?

Chapter Three, Four and Five

As it turns out, the Creeps, Perverts and the Molesters avoided the three young women like the plague. Maybe it was Julia's hardened sexuality, or Amarie's prudish glares, or Azriel's come-ye-hither-I-have-a-whip-and-spurs eye-gleam. Whatever it was, they stayed away and before you could say, "Halfwise likes his women hot, hot, hot - but not so hot you burn your fingers," they had arrived at

Chapter Eighteen  

"This is a strange gangrel place," Amarie averred as she shivvered in her summery dress looking up from the darkened trees at a small mountain with a castle on it. "Has it got colder all of a sudden?"




They were in a dark and murky wood. A fell atmosphere had fallen on the place. Spider webs - thick glabrous sticky webs - clung to the trees and branches. Bright red beady arachnoid eyes glared at them from the shadows -  deep shadows, satin rather than dark silver - and huge black moths fluttered around them alarmingly, their eery feathers touching the girls' faces unexpectedly in the dark.

"Very unexpectedly," opined Amarie, "as bats don't have feathers."

{{{Of course, in Forumland bats do have feathers.}}}

"I fear something incredibly evil lives in this murky wood," Azriel said nervously as her gentle feet crunched the mouldy twigged earth.

"It's Mirkwood, I think," Amarie said.

{{{She was wrong again, for it was actually Murkwood. Which goes to show that beautiful Fjordianlandian Librarians - no matter how potent with sexual potential - don't know everything. }}}

"And careful girls. That looks like Dol Guldur up ahead."

{{{Gol Dulger, actually!}}}

"Oh no. I fear it is the Necromancer's evil castle."

{{{Carsel, actually}}}}

"I heard the Necromancer captures people lost in the forest and throws them in his deep dark dungeons," Julia said in a high pitched scared tone.

"Why?" Azriel asked.

"What?"

"Why does he lock up people in his dark castle?"

"I don't know -- evil characters always do things like that."

"But he must have a motive."

"He doesn't have to. Evil Dark Lords just do those kind of things."

"Do you think he'll torture us?" Amarie asked in fright.

"I dare say he will," Julia said.

"That could be his motive," Azriel put in. "He may enjoy doing ghastly things to lost women."

"I'm not a lost woman!" Julia glowered.    

"Where are we then?" Azriel wanted to know, getting cross with all Julia's negativity.

"Oh... is that what you mean..."

"Well, we'll have to go and investigate," Amarie said.

"What's your motive for doing that?" Azriel asked.

"Shut the f#^&k up, will you, Azriel," Julia snapped at her.

"Just asking," Azriel spat back.

Now, you need to know that the young women had been going for at least three Chapters wthout a break and they were getting weary and cantankerous. Usually, they did not speak so abominably to each other -- or not in Public anyway.

"Who's coming with me?" Amarie broke in, her eyes wide with fear but her nose firm and determined.

"We both are, you idiot," Julia grumbled. "No doubt we're all going to be captured and taken to a dungeon and stripped bare and tormented with exquisite abominability."

"How would you know that?" Azriel wanted to know.

"Call it Woman's Intuition."

"Call it wishful thinking," Azriel said knowingly.

"What! You think I want to be stripped naked and tormented exquisitely, do you?"

"Yes, I do!" Azriel shot back defiantly.

"Well then, I'll stay behind and you two go."

"I'm not going there to be exquisitely abominated!" Amarie said prudishly.  

"Nor me... then.." said Azriel after a few seconds of hesitation.

So the three young women avoided the dark castle (or carsel) and headed for Lothlorien, which was just as well, don't you think, Halfy?

 

{{{he knows about the spurs !    }}}
I think a bit of abomination never did anyone any harm, a sound abomination once a week on a tuesday, made me the man I am today !
By the way....