Amarie's Adventures in Forumland

Chapter One

One day as Amarie and her two rather attractive and voluptuous eighteen year old sisters, Julia and Azriel, were sitting on a lawn under a spreading elm tree drowsing in the sun (when they should perhaps have been studying Mathematics or Dance Theory or something) Richard Cucumberback came running past crying: "I'm late, I'm late, I'm very very late," or some such nonsense.

Amarie woke from her half doze and said "Well, I must say, that gentlehobbit has a rather nice bottom," as Richard dived down a rather gigantic hole.  

"You are so superficial," Azriel commented yawning in the pleasant sunlight. "It's all boy's bulges and buttocks with you."

"No, that's you, you harlot," her sister Julia commented stretched out like a lioness on the grass in her frilly Edwardian day dress.

"Oh that's right, cor blimey though, weren't his arse a cobbler!"

"We'll have no talk like that, thank you very much," Julia snapped. "It's silly."

"If I must," Azriel sighed. "And mind you, I was never going to be able to keep it up. Where's Amarie gone?"

"She's ducked down the hole after Richard," Julia said. "The last I saw was her frilly knickers."

"Well, if she thinks she's going off to have lots of ridiculous and saucy adventures without me, she's got another thing coming."

"Darn tootin'," Julia agreed.

And the next thing you know, it's a flash of pink knickers and a flash of peach knickers and they were gone.



Note: There were no actual photographs taken at the time. Below is a photographer's impression of what their knickers may have looked like.






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I'm not sure you got those quite right. Perhaps the photographer has other impressions to share? I feel that a proper survey of all possibilities is called for. After all, I'm sure having the proper image of the pink knickers in question will be important to following the plot.   

Perhaps these might be placed under consideration?

An illustrated edition!   

halfwise wrote:I'm not sure you got those quite right.  Perhaps the photographer has other impressions to share?  I feel that a proper survey of all possibilities is called for.  After all, I'm sure having the proper image of the pink knickers in question will be important to following the plot.   

Perhaps these might be placed under consideration?

{{{That may certainly come in handy later, I think, Halfy. Thanks.   }}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:An illustrated edition!   

Well, it is a children's story - for adult men - and children are very visual - as are adult men - very childish adult men.  This story will work on several levels I hope.

On thinking about this -- what were you doing looking up images of ladies knickers, Halfy?  I mean, Ol' Anon has literary reasons. What would a Physicist be looking at ladies knickers for? Some interesting research you're doing, perhaps?  

Looking for strings   

I like the lacy pair with the rossettes on ! Can I have those ?   

Ol' Anon says you certainly can have them. He's already considering some contextual scenes of you in them even as we speak.  

{{{Dont encourage him Azriel!    }}}}}

this is just an excuse for back bottoms isnt it?   

I saw the title and wondered how long the dress would stay on. Seems we jumped straight to the knikkers. It was about time I got to chase som sweet CumberbASS.

azriel wrote:I like the lacy pair with the rossettes on ! Can I have those ?   

I assure you, you're not the only one who likes them.

Pettytyrant101 wrote:Looking for strings   

  

It's a common misconception that strings are complicated. They are actually very revealing. Conceptually speaking, of course.

I assure you, you're not the only one who likes them.- Halfwise

Not me, just means more margin for error when drunkenly fumbling. Dont want to put your best work in only to realise after five minutes you've been drunkenly and mistakenly pleasuring the wrong rossette (again )  

 

Pettytyrant101 wrote:I assure you, you're not the only one who likes them.- Halfwise

Not me, just means more margin for error when drunkenly fumbling. Dont want to put your best work in only to realise after five minutes you've been drunkenly and mistakenly pleasuring the wrong rossette (again )  

Might this be related to why sometimes, despite all our best efforts, women just lay there and look perplexed?

  you lot are funny !

Might this be related to why sometimes, despite all our best efforts, women just lay there and look perplexed?- Halfwise

I can live with perplexed, it beats scornful, and anything beats scornful disappointment. To prevent this occurring Ive taken to wearing a bag over my head so I cant see whats going on.   

And in the case of your vict... lady love, Petty, I assume it adds that litle bit of mystery and may prevent nausea on her part. {{{Which makes one wonder why she'd be lying there so.... erm... cooperatively in the first place....    }}}

Chapter One and a Bit



Here is a photographers best guess as to the pretty dresses the girls were wearing as they tumbled down seeming endlessly, endlessly showing off their rather pretty ends amid their frilly petticoats.





I did not show any girls in them as I think you've already had quite enough already to go on with.

But here is a sample petticoat. Very floral, I think, like a rosette. For those of us who don't know what a petticoat is - or what a girl's legs look like above the hem.




Anyway, down,down, down they tumbled.

"I suppose we shall die from the fall," Amarie called up to her sisters. "And as I'm sure I'm about to die with a horrendous splat, I think I should say that I have found you two to be the most precious sisters any sister could ever have had."

And the other two girls - tumbling twenty feet above - began to weep at the sadness of it all. So much so that by the time they did hit the bottom they landed in a big puddle of salty water, which broke their fall, and made them all wet from head to toe.

They cheered up immediately.

"This has to be better than being dead," Julia said in relief as she floated about.

"How can one really know?" Azriel commented as she floated languidly on her back. "What if there's a perfectly heavenly afterlife?"

"We will know one day..." Amarie offered philosophically. "That's if all that Eru-Illuvatar mumbo-jumbo turns out to be correct."

"Oh it's very moist down here," Julia said suddenly. "I feel ever so moist."

"Funny how our tears fell down quicker than we did," Azriel said thoughtfully.

"That's what happens in these kinds of stories," Julia opined. "Everything is upside down and back to front and often gaily homosexual."

"Did you just say 'homosexual?" Amarie asked primly.

"I did. Why do you ask?"

"Well, that was very futuristic of you to say, that's all, as I believe homosexuals aren't invented yet."

"How do you explain Oscar Wilde then?" Azriel queried.

"That's a fine point," Amarie said. "A very fine one."

"Does this sea of tears seem to be residing?" Julia asked.

And surely it was!

Before long the three girls could stand all dripping wet and moist on a rather saturated tartan carpet.

"We appear to be in a room," Julia opined.

"And there's only one door," Azriel exclaimed. "And it's very tiny."

"Oh look!" Amarie exclaimed. "There's a small bottle on this table. It says, 'Drink me'."

"It never did!" Julia scowled. "You liar!"

"No, no, no," Amarie laughed gaily. "What I meant was, there is a note on it saying 'Drink me'."

And they all had a jolly good laugh over that. As you would.  

"Darest we drink from that bottle?" Azriel put in a word of caution once they had recovered from all the titillation. "What if it's poison?"

"Or a sophoric to make us defenceless?" Julia asked.

"Or a dram of Old Wynyard?" Amarie asked.

"Hardly," Azriel and Julia laughed. "This isn't FotR after all."

And they all had a great good titter over that too, so much that their tittlers wobbled. (You must remember, of course, that this was back in the early 1900's when women had a sense of humour).

"So what shall we do?" Julia asked once her wobbling stopped.

"I think we must drink from that bottle," Azriel said. "I can't possibly imagine what else we're meant to do. I assume it's a magic spell that will shrink us so we can get out the door."

"What shall we do with this tiny key next to the bottle on this rather tall table?" Julia asked innocently.

"Let's deal with one mystery at a time, shall we Julia," Azriel said wisely. "We'll worry about that later."

Amarie opened the bottle labelled 'Drink me.' And before you could say, 'Petty McCracken is a Buffoon,' they had all three taken a sip.

"I'm shrinking!" Azriel gasped.

"So am I!" Julia exclaimed. "But my clothing isn't!"

"Stands to reason," Azriel commented. "Perhaps we should have splashed a bit on our dresses too."

"I had a feeling something like this might happen," Amarie said somewhat fatalistically.

Petty, I assume it adds that litle bit of mystery and may prevent nausea on her part. {{{..}}}} - Orwell


{{{Buckie mainly. Its not so much the lady in question will require beer googles she will require the entire 3d holographic surround sound beer headset, unfortunately so do I.
The only advantage is memory is so hazy in the morning you can just assume you acted like a thoroughbred stud throughout and went at it all night- when in reality you were too drunk to take your trousers off properly, tried to approach the bed in what you mistakenly thought was an attractive sexual prowling manner but actually makes you look like you've put your back out, tripped on your still attached to one foot trousers and smacked your face of the bed post.
Before attempting to make love to a part of the duvet before finally successfully locating the woman and after a brief period of vague grunting noises and an accidental fart or two have a frightening moment where you cant remember who you are, where you are or what you are doing, before mumbling something about  a football match and passing out on top of her. For this reasons among many others its best to be drunk and pick a better memory in the morning.   }}}}}}

I did not show any girls in them as I think you've already had quite enough already to go on with.- Bugle


I cant work out if that statement implies a rise or a fall in standards for the Bugle!   

I think you caught Ol' Anon with his trousers down, Petty. Chapter One and a Bit was still a work in progress while you were responding!   

  oh dear oh dear oh dear oh deary me