A Midsummer Nights Dream (in Forumshire)

Orwell wrote:I do love an innocent Romantic Whimsical Tale (especially if golf's involved) but as to "And on Norc's part it was a chance to finally perhaps find a way to become a Moderator in Forumshire. A position she had long coveted." Yeah... over my dead body!

 so be it.

this Petty:

petty wrote:“Bugger!” Tinuviel swore, “why do mortals always come along and ruin my game?” she looked down the slope where in the distance the Forumshire amateur dramatics group were struggling upwards under the weight of Eldo's costume department.

is why i love your writing. it's so "imaginary"... like.. erm... there is a word for it... i can picture it so well.

Thanks Norc.  

LOVE IT! Although four is actually spelled fore for golf, but tis an easy mistake to make. Jack Nickolebreth was brilliant! I can't wait to see what happens to everyone!!!! Fantastic petty:pub: I'll authorize one of the barrels of Buckie you've Frankenstein as a reward!

I'm really glad this story is continuing Petty, I loved what you wrote before and I love this installment too. I can't wait to see how it goes.

Mrs Figg wrote:''And on Norc's part it was a chance to finally perhaps find a way to become a Moderator in Forumshire.  A position she had long coveted.''

  yeah like thats gonna happen.

why are u hiding u sneaky bastard!?

Im enjoying this story also !   feels a bit "Pratchett-ish" ?
You all write such great stories with so much palatable essence !!  

I like the world they inhabit.  

Although four is actually spelled fore for golf- Tin

I knew it looked wrong when I wrote it but too lazy to go do some research and check!  
I shall amend it forthwith Tin (and that does make more sense, basically you shout "Forward!" although the way I swing a golf club and its subsequent results on the ball Id be better shouting "port! or "Starboard!" or on one memorable occasion, "Aft!"  )

"feels a bit "Pratchett-ish" ?"- Azriel

I am not sure who too credit more for, um,'inspiration' (ie stealing) the writing style from, Pratchett or Adams. Ive read more Prachtett, because there is a lot more of it, but I think Adams is the superior humourist and wordsmith. I think I try to mimic his style more than Pratchetts on balance, or at least attempt to, as the way he constructs sentences for humour is frankly incredible (and partly explains his inability to meet a deadline and why he wrote so few books- he took his time and fretted over every word -or even number- for what was funniest. It took him a while for example to reach the conclusion that the funniest number to be the answer to life, the universe and everything was 42.
And I dont know how, or why- but he was right- now thats genius.  

gotta read out hitchhikers some time!!  i've already payed 60 kr to the library.. aaargh!! still only halfway..

Did I give you the radio plays Norc?
The books are excellent and a must read, but I think its at its best where it began in its original format- radio.

Beyond the dell where our story will, eventually, fully unfold, where the grass is deeper and the shadows thicker are outlying trees of a wood that cover the hills brow and coat its back luxurantly down the slope to Russet Bog..
Look there! A Larking Tit, a Forumshire night bird alights on a leafy branch, its evening supper of nut carefully encased in one clawed talon.
Let us follow it, flitting between shadowy trees, branch to branch, occasionally giving its distinguishing call of “Norked!” to the still night air until, where the trees are no longer young and thin but wide and gnarled, showing signs of their ageing in their moss and lichen beards, it stops upon a branch and cocks its blue feathered tuffeted head.
Here soft music plays and softer lights glimmer on a Queens slumbering retinue.
And see there, where the Larking Tit hops down from the dim green recesses and onto the mossy floor in a pool of silver moonlight betwixt sleeping elven minds, and lays down its nut, of acorn tree, and with one single utterance “Norked!” takes to the air and flies our scene.


The acorn shell stirred among the soft yellow moss and Cc clambered out and straightened her dress with a single determined tug.
On tiptoe she crept around the small woodland glade, occasionally twirling, occasionally spinning and once or twice, just for fun and the sheer hell of it she hopped from flower to flower until she espied Queen Tinuviel, sleeping gently in a bower of green grass and scented blossom, her perfect nose upturned towards the night sky which framed it elegantly in pale blue light.
Cc took out the vial and pulled its stopper and crept softly forward between the Royal Guards.
She brushed a hand over Tinuviel's closed eyes, saying lowly “Got my Third Eye open, I sleep with it.”

Her hand moved to cover the Queens heart and her slowly rising and falling chest as Cc said, “Don't give a fuck about your bullshit. Relax mind, feel the love, like Cupid.”

Then very carefully she positioned the vial above the Queens still closed eyes and intoned, “I'm just a faerie, this is spiritual healing drug,” a single small droplet left the the neck of the vial and spun slowly down, “Take a hit, “ Cc said as the tiny droplet landed on Tinuviel's right eyelid, “give your life a little meaning Queenie,” Cc murmured and dropped a second droplet onto Tinuviel's other eyelid and then Cc moved in close to the Queen until they were almost faerie nose to perfect nose, “huh?” Cc whispered hoarsely, and then added, “What you see when you awake, for true love take. In your eye what shall appear, will to you be very dear. Wake when some vile thing is near,” she skipped to the edge of the glade and turned to look back one last time adding “Bitch!” before spinning off into the trees full of mischief.


So the scene must fly swifter than a Larking Tit back to the dell under stars, where Forumshire's would be thespians are met, and naturally therefore argument fills the air.

“Listen!” Petty was saying waggling a stubby finger under Eldo's nose, much to Eldo's offactory dismay, “aw I am sayin' tae yi is this, thur is some stuff in this script o'yirs that isnae gonnae wash wi folks.”

“Like what?” Eldo demanded, thinking that the main thing here in need of a wash was probably Petty, and a disinfect, and possibly lime too.

“Right my guy, he is supposed to aff hisel' right? Well how's that gonnae go doon wi the lassies? Me? Deid? That's bound tae upsit ma Figgs that is, is it no? Shull bust a bustle. And aw the ither lassies will be greetin' and bawling.”

“Maybe we should leave out the death scene Eldo,” RA suggested, willing to take the risk that you could get killed in Forumshire for saying that sort of thing.

“Never mind the killing,” Chris said and pointed to a shapeless mass in the shadows of the dell, “that octopus alien suit you made would frighten anyone.”

“Aye, he's noo wrang there,”Petty chipped in, “whit wi its yon big bulbous heid and clammy green skin, and aw they arms and haunds waving aboot the place, it'd put the shitters right up 'em that will a reckon.”

“We have to have the octopus alien,” Eldo insisted, feeling his heart attack creep a little closer from forty to thirty eight, “He's the main villain. There is no story without him.”

“How aboot, if I play ma part, ain the octopus fella tae?” Petty said keenly, and when he saw Eldo was about to voice a series of protests held up a hand, “noo hear me oot laddie,” Petty said firmly,” I culd have a wee prologue bit whir the octopus talks, ken? Sayin' 'its awright lassies, its only me, Petty, nay hairm will come tae yi.' Then they'll no be frightened kenning its me under there.”

Given that Petty was possibly the only person in existence upon whom the octopus suit counted as an ascetic improvement Eldo bit his tongue and did not comment.

“If Petty's getting a prologue as the octopus I ought to get one as the lion,” Halfwise protested from deep beneath his fringe.

“Naw, naw,” Pettgy replied, “you'll noo be scary enough as a lion tae git a drap aw the broon stuff oot o' them.”

“I will too,” Halfwise responded angrily, “I can out roar you any day Petty”.

“Oh aye?” Petty said and planted his feet firmly apart in what everyone had come to recognise as his fighting stance, as it was one of the few ways he could stand for any length of time without staggering, weaving or falling over.

Eldo strode in between them holding up his clipboard as a symbol of ultimate authority, “Enough! he cried, “lets just rehearse or we will be here all night.”

Petty growled but relented, the fighting stance was giving him cramp anyway.

“We will do scene 45,” Eldo said consulting his clipboard, “so we need everyone in this, and its a dress rehearsal so don't forget your dresses Chris, Lance and David. Petty,” he turned to Petty,”you are in the octopus suit for this one, its over there.” He pointed to the costume department which they had dumped in a jumbled heap on the grass .
Petty nodded and weaved towards the costumes taking a slug of buckie in preparation for entering the suit.

It took half an hour for everyone to get in costume and everyone to get Petty into his.
It was quite complicated. The head piece was many times Petty's actual head size, with a rounded bulging dome head and two disk like dark eyes. It made the already unsteady Petty top heavy, so that when he tried to move forward he ended up chasing after his own head.
And then there were the arms, all  eight of them including Petty's own two. They stuck out four on each side, with the fake ones attached to the real arms by a thin translucent wiring, so that before they had even got the head on him Petty had tried to take a swig from his buckie with his real hand and ended up slapping himself in the face with the other three and falling over backwards in a cloud of cursing and moss.

Eventually they got him righted and into position for the scene. Halfwise and Lance took up their places near the dells edge with RA, resplendent in his shiny robot suit. And on the opposite side were Chris, David and Orwell in their dresses and wigs of excitingly, yet sexily, spiked hair. Petty was to Eldo's right, waiting to enter the dell 'stage'.

“Ok,” Eldo called to them through a megaphone he had made from some paper, he was also sitting on a folding chair he had produced from somewhere, it had the word 'Director' written on the back.

“Action!” he cried.

Nothing happened.

“Action!” he repeated louder.

Still nothing happened.

“Oh for Eru's sake Petty,” he said in frustration, leaping up from the chair, “That was your cue Petty.”
Still Petty did not respond, but remained swaying gently where he was, trying not to let the top of his head get dragged down to his feet with the weight of the costume.

Eldo strode angrily up to him, “Petty!”

No reply, Eldo tried to see through the Octopus eyes, which were darkly tinted so that within it Petty had the effect of wearing a huge pair of sunglasses, unfortunately as it was night it meant he could barely see a thing. Or for that matter, hear much.

“Petty!” Eldo screamed at him and gave him a nudge, Petty swayed dangerously backwards and Eldo had to reach out and grab him, even dropping his clipboard to do so.

“Hey! Be bloody careful oot there!” Petty's muffled voice came from deep within the head,”whit yi think yer playin' at?”

“Its your cue!”Eldo yelled at him, wishing he had thought to put ear holes in the design.

“Ma whit?”Petty shouted back, and it came out like the voice of an angry mouse.

“Oh, give me strength,” Eldo sighed and clasped a hand to his forehead and ran it back through his long luxurious locks, “you're on!” he cried in frustration and gave Petty a solid push toward where the stage was supposed to be.

Petty stumbled forward, dipped and then the huge head took on a momentum of its own, and it was all Petty could do stop himself from falling face down, he chased after his own head as fast as he could bent almost double, his kilted legs inside the suit going faster and faster as he lost all control.

He shot past Halfwise and Lance and they caught the trailing muffled cry of “OOOH BUGGERY!” as he plummeted with a small squeaking yelp over the lip of the dell.

Eldo shook his head, this was going to be one long night.

Halfwise, Lance and RA glanced down the slope and watched as Petty rolled to a stop in a twirl of flapping octopus limbs that made a sad slapping noise that slowed into silence as he lost  momentum.

“I suppose we should go and get him,” Halfwise volunteered.

“Who is that?” Lance asked, pointing a stiff robot arm beyond Petty to the slope of the hill, where several figures could be seen coming towards them in the light of a travel lantern.
Eldo, Chris, Orwell and David joined them and looked down, “Oh no!” Eldo exclaimed, “its the women folk! What are they doing up here at night?”

“Best not to ask,” Dave said knowingly.

“Maybe they have a secret play to rehearse too” RA suggested and got a look from Eldo which suggested that was the sort of thing you could get killed in Forumshire for saying.

“We can't stay here, this is supposed to be a surprise play,” Eldo said and looked with a panicking expression around the dell seeking out its various hiding places. There weren't any but he counted them again just to be sure, but no, the dell was  suspiciously empty of things like places to hide, “Grab Petty,” he ordered, “we'll have to go into the woods and wait there until they're gone.”

Halfwise nodded and he and Lance scrambled down the hillside sending night moths twirling up around them from among the heather and grass.
And at the bottom of the slope the ladies of Forumshire headed upwards towards them discussing marriage.

 “Ma whit?”Petty shouted back, and it came out like the voice of an angry mouse.


It's the littlest things, sometimes...

Thankyou ! thankyou for given me that vision of a sedated looking Petty ! an exasperated Eldo, all the guys standing by wondering what the f**ks going on ! That octopus is a star all on its own ! Love it  

“Oh aye?” Petty said and planted his feet firmly apart in what everyone had come to recognise as his fighting stance, as it s was one of the few ways he could stand for any length of time without staggering, weaving or falling over.

 

That octopus is a star all on its own !- Azriel

I didnt want to go with the traditional asses head for two reasons- one it didnt seem quite silly enough for Forumshire, and two, Shakespeare already used up all the good ass-head jokes.  

Great story, but my agent advises me I need to demand a bigger part in the production.

Well could be worse- Orwell only got name checked in the last episode (i,um forgot he was in the scene and had to hasilty paste him back in!)
Trying to firstly remember all the characters that are supposed to be there, and secondly giving them all something to do is a bit tricky! I have considerably more charcaters in this version than Shaky had in the original.   (and I still have the characters of Raddy and Ringdrotten to bring into it yet!)

I read the new installment last night but was too tired to comment then. Great stuff Petty, you've got a talent for injecting a lot of humor into your stories while still telling interesting tales.

Thanks Eldo. But three things make writing this for here a general pleasure- the people reading, the characters to draw on, and in this case nicking the ideas from the greatest playsmith who ever put quill to paper.  

{{I also just noticed I confused Lance with RA in the last part and left poor RA out all together!  -I shall need to correct that! }}}}

I need to read the actual play! I have an idea of what happens, but not to who! So I'm curious to see who Tin wakes up to see...

Bits follow th eplay, bits dont really. The elves stuff, the Cc stuff and the play within th eplay, as well as the idea of the potion-are all Shakespeare.
But the human love stories of imaginary Forumshire aren't like those in the play- so those will be quiet different, but still hopefully in the plays spirit- in the play its Oberon (Beren in mine) who actually puts the drops on the Queen whilst Puck (Cc) is instructed which people to put the drops on of the humans, and gets one wrong resulting in the plays mixed up romance comedy- in mine I decided it was more in keeping with Cc's character, and gave me more latitiude, that she do that bit on her own mischievous inclination.
As to who Tin wakes up to see, that, hopefully you will be able to read in a few hours time.

Aye!  

Still waiting (and still hoping).