LITTLE FORUMSHIRE in FULL COLOUR (Unwanted visitors risk interference!)

see the cross eyed parott sit perched in the sun shooting tin bins with a sawed off shot gun

I said to it hi nora

Five points Huffnpuff!

ORWELL CLEANS UP AT 1ST ANNUAL NEW FORUMSHIRE REFUGEES AWARD

Our beloved President, Orwell Jackaboots McOdo has cleaned up at the first ever New Forumshire Refugees Awards.

Results in are:

MOST POPULAR MALE: Orwell.

MOST POPULAR FEMALE: Mrs Figg

BEST MUSIC VIDEO: "Heartland" by Orwell (You Tube "Songs Served Raw" - but this is not a commercial).

BEST MINER: Biffo Banks

MOST RESPECTABLE BY A STREET: Odo R. Banks, esquire.

LEAST RESPECTABLE: Little Loki Panic

MOST LIKELY TO BREAK ALLY's HEART: Orwell.

MOST LIKELY TO HIT ALLY ON THE HEAD WITH A BATON: Orwell.

BEST ARTWORK: No entries. Maybe next year.

BEST SHOT WITH A CROSSBOW: Odo (victim, Petty - very satisfying that).

BEST STORY: "Little Kindergarten on the Forum" by Anon Author. Anon said: "How this could not get even one nomination on a certain tacky Awards Night is beyond me, and me not the least bit a vain hobbit!"

BEST BREASTS: Porgy Bunk-Banks. Awards Night host, Biffo Banks said: "Herr 'Lemunny Chooky Brusts' pleezed za taystyboods ov juz aboot effrywun oo tazetud 'em, und juzt aboo effrywun huz (uppurralantlee)."

BEST CHANNELER: Wisey Banks. Wisey: "I am neither a vain nor a pompous hobbit, full of myself, nor overweening or self-promoting, but I clearly deserve this accolade."

BEST YOUNGER FEMALE WITH A TASTE FOR DISCIPLINE: Mirabella.

BEST STENOGRAPHER: Anne.

MOST INTELLIGENT: Orwell.

BEST PRESIDENT: Orwell.

BEST KNIGHT: Sir Rupert Dashing.

BEST NIGHT: Mrs Figg and Biffo Banks (apparently)

NICEST KNEES: Odo R. Banks.

MOST PRESTIGIOUS: Orwell.

BEST FORUM EVER: Little Forumshire.

The votes are in. And what a Gala Night it was!

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor-in-Chief
The Archet Bugle

.

What's needed here is more esoterica. Put this little technicolor dreamswirl on the map, it would. With blinders on. Or blinkers, as Commander Cody would let you know. Two caps of bucky and I'm lost in the ozone again...

AFTER SHOW INTERVIEWS

#1 - Orwell Jackaboots McOdo.

Lesbo: Congratulations Orwell. May I be the first to say that this Awards Night seems to have been the fairest and most transparent Awards Night in the history of Awards Nights.

Orwell: As President and CEO and Chairman and Vote Scruineer, I was at pains to ensure it was.

Lesbo: Scrutineer?

Orwell: Yes.

Lesbo: Did you count the votes?

Orwell: No, no, no. Odo and Mirabella did. Trustworthy folk. I just made sure they counted them appropriately.

Lesbo: Were you surprised to be voted Most Popular Male?

Orwell: Not in the least.

Lesbo: Some have said that you have a tendancy to to be vain and self-promoting, possibly even pompous at times. Do they seem like traits that would make you popular?

Orwell: I think I know what you're implying... Look, Lezzie (hope you don't mind me calling you Lezzie?) - -- Look, lesser beings on other Forums might think so, but what do I care about what vomits out of the mouths of puny minded hobbits? - Mods and Forumers and Admins? - those types! - hobbits who'd never get a guernsey in Little Forumshire. Cretinous types - librarians included... Lets not dwell, shall we!

Lesbo: "Best Breasts" was an interesting catergory.

Orwell: Indeed! And Porgy a worthy winner. Best Lemon Breasts ever.

Lesbo: Rumour has it that Mrs Figg was a bit disappointed that her "Spicy Cabbage Roll" was not considered.

Orwell: You must remember that this was our First New Forumshire Refugees Awards - next year we'll include more savoury delights.

Lesbo: Mrs Figg insists her "Spicy Cabbage Roll" was sweeter than anyone's "Lemon Breasts".

Orwell: That may or may not be so - Biffo and Mirabella, after all, did the tasting and you must ask them about that - but the Rules are strict. The natural sugars Mrs Figgs' "Cabbage Roll" were considered by the Judge to be 'Savoury sugars, sweet but not specifically offered as a dessert, more a main course." (I translate of course, because you'd never understand how Biffo put it ). It's a very technical point, I know, but a well made point nonetheless.

Lesbo: Talking about the Judges....

Orwell: An impeccable crew. Odo, Mirabella and Myself. We wanted to ensure it was a fair contest. We even threw out all the "Donkey" votes.

Lesbo: 'Donkey' votes?

Orwell: In Ozhobbitstan a 'Donkey' vote is a silly vote put in just to annoy or make a negative statement about All the candidates. For instance, Sir Rupert and Anne and Porgy and Biffo and Little Loki Panic and Jane voted for 'The Needlehole Mysteries' which were, of course, not even nominated - and quite rightly.

Lesbo: I see...

Orwell: I wonder if you do.

Lesbo: Were you pleased that Mrs Figg received 'Most Popular Female'?

Orwell: Relieved, frankly... And fortuitous for all of us in Little Forumshire - because she had made it clear if she didn't win it, there would be bloodshed. I think it was a clean sweep in the end. Wonderful woman that hobbit lass.

Lesbo: 'Best shot with a crossbow"? Interesting catergory.

Orwell: If you'd heard Petty's squawk and seen how high he jumped, you'd realize how worthy Odo was of winning something for it. That Scots-rodent is very popular in some quarters (apparently), but not in Little Forumshire. Just ask Mrs Figg. She'll set you straight...

Lesbo: And what about those two peculiar Ally Awards?

Orwell: Peculiar, you say? Yes, you're right on reflection. And what would you expect? We are talking about Ally!

Lesbo: Nicest knees?

Orwell: That was a fait accompli, I think - and Odo did insist on there being a catergory for it.

Lesbo: Why not nicest elbows?

Orwell: You're just being silly now. ... Well, I'm off. The Awards Night Party... It should be absolutely fantastic -- and not mind-numbingly boring like a certain other Awards Night.... Cheerio...

halfwise wrote:What's needed here is more esoterica. Put this little technicolor dreamswirl on the map, it would. With blinders on. Or blinkers, as Commander Cody would let you know. Two caps of bucky and I'm lost in the ozone again...

NEWSFLASH

HALFWISE BANNED FROM LITLE FORUMSHIRE

News to hand is that Halfwise has been BANNED from Little Forumshire.

By Order of the President.

Orwell's Proclamation: Not only is Halfy unkempt, he's also most unsavoury - and, as of now - unnecessary!

Lesbo Proudfoot
Editor-in-Chief
The Archet Bugle

Aaaaaaah... home again --- truly a Forum to die for...

"And fortuitous for all of us in Little Forumshire - because she had made it clear if she didn't win it, there would be bloodshed".

Oh Mrs Figg, we've decided to call our Most Popular Male and Female, 'King' and 'Queen' of Little Forumshire. Now, this is only titular, there will be absolutely no need to consumate our Rule in any fashion at all - especially not any consumation involving any physical contact whatsoever, except perhaps holding hands at State Functions, so long as the boy starts it first, which is only appropriate in Little Forumshire, a Realm where Correct and Proper Old Fashioned Netrosexual values is now Law.

Little Forumshire Statute 1.1 (a) + (b):
Statute 1. Hear ye all Citizens. It is now given that Correct and Proper Netrosexual Values are stattuted.
: (1)(a) It has now been laid down that laying down of any lass or lad (physical or metaphorical) shall be the laying down by the sturdy hand(s)of lad(s);
: (1)(b) Any holding of hands - or other contact - shall be handled in the first instance by the hand(s) of the lad(s) and not the Lady (or Mrs Figg).
PENALTY SECTION: Four Years hard labour for ANY Transgression.

It's a good Law. Easy to understand and punished with just the right severity quotient for Lawbreakers*. Harsh but fair.





(*Little Forumshire Dictionary: "Lawbreaker(s) = Female hobbits, generally.)

Aha, so that's what Orwell was working towards with this whole "Little Forumshire" lark.

Watch it! There'll be no larking here... Oh you just made an unfortunate grammatical and spelling mistake and left a word or two out... Never mind, Mister Forumshire Admin chap! I'll fix...

Eldorion wrote:Aha, so that's what Orwell was working towards with this whole "Little Forumshire" audacious adventure in furtherance of making Forumshire entertaining and respectable again. Eru Bless him.

Much better. Never mind, any Forumshiran could make that mistake! {{{And that . I mean, really, Eldo - a bit Gay, what! }}}

{{{Note to Self: A Little Fiorumshire Citizen wouldn't, of course, make ANY mistakes like that! }}}


{{Another Note to Self: Am I starting to sound like Odo... Who'da thought it? }}}

{{{}}}

This has reminded me of one of my favorite Forumshire photoshops ever.



Speaking of which, there's an Award you won legitimately, Orwell!

{{{While your lurking about, Eldo - how do you put a line through a word?}}}

{{{Use [strike] tags around the line you want crossed out. }}}

Eldorion wrote:This has reminded me of one of my favorite Forumshire photoshops ever.



Speaking of which, there's an Award you won legitimately, Orwell!

I look like a mutant! And a Gay mutant at that!

It's not my fault that your avatar cuts off the side of your head.

{{{Strike tags? I'll have a look}}}

Eldorion wrote:{{{It's not my fault that your avatar cuts off the side of your head. }}}

{{{Fortunately it's the girlie half! }}}

Eldorion wrote:It's not my fault that your avatar cuts off the side of your head.

There you have it, folks! At last - a humbler Admin!

is that Petty in the skirt?

It's Eldo, actually. They were both innocent and evil times, Mrs Figg. Odo and I helped Eldo on another step to manhood. Odo and I look rather like training wheels in a way. How metaphorical, what!

well you look like lovely chaps to me.


geddit? chaps.