LITTLE FORUMSHIRE in FULL COLOUR (Unwanted visitors risk interference!)

 

halfwise wrote:  It's been too long since the last Council of Odo.  I feel ever so much safer knowing a wise, sober sausage head has taken the situation in hand.  

I'm pleased you feel that way, Halfy. But if you're going to edit in future, can you please erase errant words. Janesmith gets a little tense when people use words like sausage (even by accident). Sausage use, whether by word or by supper, should always be discreet - unless she's having one of her Eruvian Mystery Feasts --- but perhaps I (accidentally) know more than I should about that and the less said the better. Now, if you don't mind, go away, please!

odo banks wrote: Get out of my Land - Foreigner!  


{{{What do you love? I hope it's not scantilly clad ladies sprawling about in tubs of jelly! }}}

{{{Well when they're as eager and willing as some ladies are, y'know ... not that I'm naming names in this thread or anything...}}}

Eldorion wrote:{{{}}}

{{{ }}}

The privileges of Large Forumshire, Odo.

 

Odo: I am quite taken aback, Anne. Since when do you call a most secret council?

Anne: Oh Great Cousin Odo, it's that Lance chap in Forumshire. A rather brash fellow who isn't afraid to call a spade a shovel.

Odo: What do you mean?

Anne: He's gone and told the Forumshirans that they're all morons!

Odo: ... ... ... ... ... .... ... And?

Anne: Well, it's well and good to think what you think, but to articulate it publicly... well.. I mean...

Janesmith: One thing you need to know about Forumshirans, dear, is that they're ignorant and vulgar.

Orwell: That's two things.

Janesmith: And a great many more things of a negative quality as well, but let's keep this positive, Orwell.

Biffo: Fookin' puk ov arzoles!

Janesmith: Biffo - pleeeease....

Biffo: R so!

Mirabella: That Lance chap plays electronic instruments, I hear.

Porgy: I for one don't mind that sort of thing...

Odo: Do you mind, Porgy. We're not here to hear about your exotic leanings... Now Anne, you must get over it... We mustn't mind what happens over there. It's not our business. It probably teaches you for wandering in that dank and sordid environment hobnobbing with such nonesuches like that Lance fellow and his ilk. Foreigners, you know. Disreputable folk. Worse than Bree-landers --- or at least queerer. You'll hear all sorts of nastiness over there.

Biffo: Trull!

Odo: Pardon me?

Biffo: Trull!

Porgy: I think Biffo's talking about Lance. Biffo thinks he might be a troll.

Janesmith: More like a trollop.

Odo: Oh dear.

Janesmith: A Lady of the Cloth needs to speak her mind on certain things...

Odo: No, no. It's Mirabella. She's leaning over my new jelly tub in a most precarious and revealing manner... Will you keep away from that jelly, Bella! You know what happened last time...

Mirabella: Is it peach and apple... mmm...

Orwell: Mmmmm ... all right...

Mirabella: Get away Orwell!

Orwell: Just making sure you don't fall in again.

Mirabella: By grabbing hold of my....

Odo: Pleaeeeeease! Stop it you two. Orwell! Remove your hands from my Niece!

Janesmith: Disgusting business!

Porgy: Some as say Orwell has Italian hands.

Biffo: Wot?

Anne: [sigh] So I take it that nothing can be done about vulgar folk like that Lance chap.

Janesmith: We have turned our backs on that Land of Ill-behaviour, Anne. A long time ago.

Petty: Aye. Wi hov indood.

Odo: Hey!

Petty: Ock!

Odo: Throw him out!

Petty: Dinae you huv any coompooshin!

Odo: No. Throw him out.

Orwell: I really don't know where this is going, you know.

Mirabella: I know where your hands are going. Stop it... [giggles]

Odo:

Odo: He's up to his old tricks.

Orwell: Who?

Odo: Lord Eldo.

Orwell: The same as Eldo son of Baldo?

Odo: The same.

Orwell: Was it his Mum or Dad who caught him out this time?

Odo: What?

Orwell: You know, 'up to his old tricks'. In his bedroom I presume.

Odo: I mean it's all this 'sock puppet' business.

Orwell: So he was up to his old tricks.

Janesmith: He'll go blind if he's not careful.

Odo: Must I spell out everything I talk about?

Mirabella: You could always draw a diagram, Uncle.

Odo: Enough of your cheek.

Porgy:  But a diagram would help i think, Odo.

Odo: And how should I draw such a diagram, Porgy?

Porgy: You could use pencils.

Orwell: I don't know if I really want to see a picture of Eldo in his room with his sock puppet. I prefer to use my imagination.

Porgy: What was he doing in his room?

Mirabella: Playing with his sock puppet. [giggles]

Odo: I wasn't refering to what he was doing in his bedroom. I never mentioned his room.

Janesmith: Thanks be to Eru for that.

Odo: What? ... Anyway, I was talking about all his 'sock puppet' rot.

Mirabella: You said 'sock puppets', didn't you?

Porgy: [shocked] Has Eldo got more than one sock puppet?

Odo: Why wouldn't there be more than one?

Porgy: [shocked] He's a freak!

Odo: Pardon me?

Porgy: Boys usually only have one sock puppet - at least in Forumshire.

Odo: What?

Porgy: You said he was playing with his sock puppets in his room. That's not normal. Boys only have one sock puppet normally. Do you want me to draw a diagram?

Mirabella: Please do, Porgy! There is more to Lord Eldo than meets the eye. [giggles]

Porgy: You mustn't joke about such things, Bella! I shouldn't like my eye to meet them. It's unnatural!

Odo: Would you please shut up a moment. I'm referring to his 'talk' of sock puppets. Do you know what he means by the term?

Mirabella: Yes. [giggles]

Odo: [angrilly] And it's not that.

Loki: Not what, Odo?

Odo: Don't you start! Now: the vulgar fellow is suggesting that certain folk in Forumshire and Little Forumshire are sock puppets. As in puppets made from socks. Horrible aspersion, what!

Porgy: Are they?

Odo: Are they what?

Porgy: Are they puppets made from socks?

Odo: No they're not.

Porgy: What about Amarie?

Orwell: Some as say she's a puppet made from a sock. Made on Dark Planet - and some as say she has Lord Addy's hand up her dress.

Porgy: Do puppets made from socks wear dresses?

Orwell: I don't see why they can't. Not that you often see puppets made from socks wearing dresses.

Mirabella: No, I have...  

Odo: Do you mind? Here we have Lord Ladedah Eldo yet again besmirching the reputations of good solid Forumshiran folk and you folk sit around...

Orwell: Since when were Forumshians good solid folk?

Odo: You know what I mean. And stop interrupting.

Orwell: Is that red currant jelly?

Odo: I knew this would happen. [sighs]

Mirabella: Porgy, while you're over there, can you scoop out a bowl for me?

Odo: There is an air of inevitablilty to this.

Orwell: Well, we could always take the tub of jelly into another room. Then no one can fall into it.

Odo: I'd never thought of that.

[Jelly is taken out by two goblin servants]

Odo: Now: back to this business...

Orwell: Who does he say are puppets made from socks?

Odo: Well, Petty and Pretty McTyrant  for a start.

Orwell: But I know for a fact they're two separate folk. One's a boy for a start (loosely speaking), and the other a girl. Mirabella can vouch for that! Not only that, Pretty is a Lesbian.

Odo: ... ... .... and your point is?

Orwell: Well, Lesbians exist don't they, so how could she be made from a sock?

Porgy: That makes a lot of sense.

Odo: ... ... ... No it doesn't!

Janesmith: So - correct me if I'm wrong - if Pretty is a sock, she can't be a Lesbian...?

Odo: What?

Janesmith: Well, if Pretty is a Lesbian, she can't be a sock. Isn't it obvious by now?

Odo: What on earth are you talking about, Jane?

Janesmith: Well, I'm only using Logic, Mister Grouchy Trousers!

Odo: How on Eru's sweet earth can anyone... ... ... No, never mind. Mirabella, dear - go and bring back the jelly will you. [sighs]

You Bankses seem to spend an awful lot of time thinking about my sockpuppet.

NB I'm amazed no one fell into the jelly this time.

You make it sound like that we're a one trick pony or something...