LITTLE FORUMSHIRE in FULL COLOUR (Unwanted visitors risk interference!)

 

Might be

Dr Who  

after all...  

{{{with a feminine twist - i bet Ol' Anon can do a better job than that poofy Moffatt... might write it myself even --- as Ol' Anon can't be trusted to write good female characters.... }}}

Odo: I have called you here for a most Supremely Secret Council.

Petty: Ock tha noo?

Oreell: What are you doing here? Throw him out. We don't want his type here!

Petty: Ock! Privvy me pravvies, Biffo. You do no need dina to hobut-hundle me and toss me in the roses!

Biffo: Beorf wiv u u punful Scottieobbut!

Odo: Is he gone, Bif?

Biff: Ees intha rosie booshes, Nuncle Nodo.

Odo: Good enough... Now, has anyone heard the news?

Orwell: About that bungling Bungo chap's prying questions? That little pompous chap they let into Forumshiere with his big sticky nose (apparently)?

Biffo: Uh beeg noose fore snufflin unta udder hobbut's pryvart partz!

Orwell: That sounds like him. Yes! It's all down to that darn 'Look at me, I'm Lord Eldo, look, look at me! I'll spill my guts and tell everything I'm priviliged to know'. He's the one who lets them in. Every scabrous itinerate that comes knocking!  

Odo: Eldo thinks he's got some real pull around here by all accounts. The noodle-brain!

Biffo: Bug pooler!  

Orwell: Pull who?

Odo: Shup up, Orwell. Enough of your poor attempts at gutter humour. This is serious. That darn Admin of Forumshire (the Dull) has started up all his delusional talk again --- Mirabella, careful of my jelly! --- about Odo being Orwell being Odo being Orwell...

Orwell: Stop a moment. I'm getting dizzy with this being being being business.

Odo: I forbid you be dizzy anywhere near my currant and raspberry baked jelly, Orwell. There will be consequences if you fall in.

Orwell: With or without Mirabella?

Odo: Either way! Keep away. Mirabella - you know you're asking for trouble standing so close on my just washed and polished floor! You must!

Mirabella: I was just trying to catch the scent. Are they fresh currants?

Odo: Lean no further, it's dangerous and your knickers are showing in that excessively short mini-skirt!

Janesmith: Yes, my dear, what wil people think of you?

Odo: Enough of this venality. Can you people never get enough of all this venality?

Orwell: I for one say, 'No!'.

Odo: Stop grinning, you dufus. Now, to the matter at hand.

Mirabella: Keep your hand away, Orwell, you creep!

Odo: Get back into your chair, Orwell. Where's Hackthroat and Punchnose? Those hobgoblins never seem to be around when I need them...

Orwell: I'm sitting, all right. I'm sitting. See, here's my bum. Look, it's being put down, even as I speak, on this cushion.

Odo: Make sure it stays there.

Orwell: I promise you nothing.

Odo: [sigh].  Now what are we to do about...?

[knock knock knock]

Odo: Who in tarnation is that at the door now?

Pretty: Pretty.

Odo: Pretty who?

Pretty: Pretty much another Alternate Personality.

Orwell: I'm not sure that's funny, really.

Pretty: I don't care. Open the fucking door.

Odo: We'll have no Scotshobbits here, thank you very much. Go away, or I'll have you thrown in the roses with that horrid brother of yours!

Pretty: All right then.

Odo: Has she gone?

Mirabella: I think so... Mmmmmm - yum --- I can smell the raspberries too...

Odo: Stop! Stop I say! You're almost about to.. Hey! Who's that climbing through the window?

Orwell: It's Pretty in the skimpiest bathing suit I've ever seen.

Mirabella: Oh dear. The window's right over Odo's jelly tub. Stop where you are, Ex-Defacto Wife! Or I'll deal with you quite firmly.

Pretty: I'm coming in. I plan to defend my family's name against Eldo's hideous winks and hints and suggestions. After all, it's not just you Bankses that he's slandering with his sordid delusionary tales!

Mirabella: I forbid to let you in. I'll fight you if I have to...

Pretty: Careful now, Mirabella. Something unexpected is bound to happen with you grappling my near naked body. Oh my Lord! Your skimpy min-skirt is drawing up by the second.. and your boob-tube.. it's slipping alarmingly...

Orwell: Oh sweet Eru! They've fallen into Odo's fresh made tub!

Janesmith: How very uncomely it all seems...  Girls! Girls! Flesh! The flesh! It's overpowering to the visual sensibilities of all! Stop that wrestling, girls! Oh Girrrrrls!  There are male folk staring at you in your near naked glutinous state. Desist in your accidentally erotic writhing, wriggling and squeezing... it's not becoming in the least!

Orwell: My Gawd! Who could have expected such an event?

Biffo: Itz shookinlee un toadilly unuxpucted!  

Odo:

See what I have to deal with, Bungo?  The old clans (Banks and Tyrant) will never forgive me for becoming admin.

Little Forumshire. Little Forumshire... You have place here, Satan!  

Damn, where's the rewind button on this blasted palantir contraption?! That last bit went by too fast. Understanding exactly what happened will require careful scrutiny and analysis.

Orwell wrote:Little Forumshire. Little Forumshire...  You have place here, Satan!  

So I do "have place" here, then?

Eldorion wrote:See what I have to deal with, Bungo?  The old clans (Banks and Tyrant) will never forgive me for becoming admin.

I have no idea what's going on here. Nor the time to read it all. Best I stay out of it.  

I am become admin, destroyer of Banksian dreams of domination.

Eldorion wrote:

Orwell wrote:Little Forumshire. Little Forumshire...  You have place no here, Satan!  

So I do "have place" here, then?

The sheer forgetting of one 'No' is no suggesting of 'Yes'!  


{{{I almost think he did that deliberately!  }}}

Eldorion wrote:I am become admin, destroyer of Banksian dreams of domination.

Well quoted.  

One day you will all see the light.  

How does one gain citizenship to little Forumshire?

I am glad you asked, Good Sir. A person seeking citizenship of Little Forumshire must have the following attributes (to begin with):

[1] Purity of Nature (and Pure in his thoughts about Tolkien - Scotshobbits excluded irrespective of whether they're Tolkien Purists or not);

[2] Excellent Manners;

[3] Respecter of the Upper Middle Classes (that being - at this stage of Little Forumshire Evolution - the Banks Clan and it's sub-Clan, the McOdo's);

[4] Respect for Eru Illuvatar and what the Banks Clan tell you are His Instructions to Mortal Folk;

[5] A Deep Distrust of all Admins (especially the One in Forumshire Major);

[6] Respect for women, both young and old, (especially the Year Twelve Girls Class at Our Lady of the Ankle Length Frock);

[7] Grave distrust of Scotshobbits generally (especially the McTyrant Clan);

[8] A Willingness to be Subservient to One's Betters.


That's a starting list.

Of course, there is no end of Positive Attributes one needs to become a Citizen here. The fact you're clearly keen to come to this Great (though Little in Circumference) Land is a good first step.

Congratulations.  

[8] A Willingness to be Subservient to One's Betters.

  you mean Cats? I am already subservient to those.



This Person has been named DISREPECTABLE in Little Forumshire - by Order of the Powers that be.

odo banks wrote:[5] A Deep Resentments Towards Those Who Came Out On Top

Fixed that for you.


This Person has (also) been named DISREPECTABLE in Little Forumshire - by Order of the Powers that be.

You can't expect people to pay attention to what you say if you just edit it in.  Otherwise I'll just assume no one has posted in the thread until/unless I happen to re-read over the most recent page(s) out of boredom.


And I, frankly, have no time for insufferable interlopers who cross the border without a Passport and then, adding insult to injury, think they can tell me how to govern in my own Country! It's bloomin' American arrogance it is! Bloody foreigners!

Sadly, and much as I regret having to do it, I am forced to take positive action against you Eldo, son of Baldo:

YOUR LATEST POST HAS NOT BEEN AUTHORIZED FOR DISSEMINATION BY THE POWERS THAT BE

  wow scary

Blesséd, dear, dear Mrs Figg. Blesséd.

Snowden was dealing with pinochle.  The truly frightening happenings are in Little Forumshire.    Fortunately society has changed since the advent of the cell phone camera.  The everyday burrahobbit can now publish pictures of who seems to be following him around, a sinister figure in dark glasses and a hat:

Behind every seemingly pristine society is an Orwellian underbelly.  I used to see the happy girl's school, the cheerily bubbling jelly vats. A dreamworld fantasy. Alack, alas, the veil is turn asunder!  I am desolated, but I have struck back in my own meager way.


Dear, dear, Halfy, I assure you there is nothing, nothing in all the world, to worry about. Not the least little thing.

I knew something was rotten in the state of Little Forumshire.



Trouble yourself not with rumours and innuendo, dear, dear Mrs Figg. I assure you, all is well - or soon will be well.

I may find myself an exile to Bree for publishing.  I hope the visitor's center (where I'll be spending the next few weeks in limbo) has good buckie.


With Eru by my side, all is as well as it possibly could be, dear, dear, Halfy.

Sadly, every revolution sooner or later turns on itself and descends into a degenerate autocracy.  I weep for Little Forumshire tonight.


Exactly the kind of thing a Dictator - not a benign Dictator, mind - would say, Eldo, son of Baldo.

Well, the name of the thread makes it clear enough, certainly.

Wise you are, dear, dear, Halfy, if only half as wise as you think, but in time... in time, dear, dear friend.

is that guy from the french revolution?

Some - once re-educated - may seem as the Wise, even the young, when they've got a bit older (apparently), dear, dear Norc.