LITTLE FORUMSHIRE in FULL COLOUR (Unwanted visitors risk interference!)

Into Stella = Interstella

Eldorion wrote:Into Stella = Interstella

Is that the Baltimore dialect creeping in again?   

THE SPACE ADVENTURERS
Episode 3

There comes a time in the life of any respectable gentlehobbit's life when he should well and truly give up Mentoring young ladies, but Odo Banks hadn't reached that time yet. And so it was with deep and sincere (by his standards) melancholy that he peered out the coalmobile window back at his estate.  They were out on his lawn outside his commodious hole to see him off, waving sadly, surrounded by a detachment of his most merciless Death Robots. He would miss his girls while he was away.

Odo sighed.

This adventure might be a long one. Perhaps five or six chapters - perhaps even more - you can never tell with stories like this. And he must trust that his Mentorees would be alright without his constant caring hands to care for them, day and night, night and day. Not all of them at once, of course, but on different days and nights. It could get tiring, all that caring. And maybe he wasn't feeling so much melancholy as weary now that he came to think on it. I mean, seventeen thousand years is a long time to Mentor young ladies. And there had been quite a turn over, because young ladies don't stay young forever and you have to let them go sometime, to find jobs in catering, or dressmaking, or gold  mining on Perplexo 17 in the Albatross Helix (which was not far from the Milky Way), and the new girls always seemed fresher and stronger and more demandingly exacting, but that's Women's Lib for you. Anyway, I shouldn't wander...

"Oh you look so forlorn, Oddy,"  said Primula, the coalmobile girl. "Perhaps I should do something pleasant to you, something you find joy in, before you catch that flight on the Nelson, to remember us by; something you say always cheers you up."

"Lovely," Odo sighed.

And it was.

Feeling much better (after a few minutes), Odo called out, "Hey you Scottish rodent. I hope I won't have to share a cabin with anyone unpleasant..."

"Ock tha noo," came Petty's faint reply from the distant tailgate of the coalmobile where he was hidden by the coal load. "Noo boddie woonts to share wie yi. Their afrood you'll throddle them in the nit for their purse, or mullustt them shamelussly while they're a'sloop."

"Your accent gets worse by the minute. Did you know that? Have you ever settled on a way of speaking that actually is authentic Scots-accent?"

"Noo, un doen ya theenk fo a momunt that I bee hippy aboot it."

Then Odo saw the great Nelson standing like a great penis at the space port, orangey-red (though opinions differ), standing tall and stiff in the Green Planet 7 sun.

"I wonder why David has such a fascination with such vulgar shapes," Odo wondered aloud. (And don't we all?)

"I think it looks delicious," Primula gasped and giggled. "Can I come too, Oddy? I've never been inside a gigantic penis before."

"And never shall you be if I have anything to say about it, dear girl," Odo said, prosily. "Or at least, not until your indenture is complete. And it's not a gigantic penis anyway, it's a giant carrot skinned spacecraft shaped like a penis. Shaped thus for better thrusting through outer space, I guess, though who would know with David. He's a real strange cranberry that chap - a strange strange cranberry..."

And Odo's voice trailed off into silence.

"What bizarre and peculiar things will I be in for," he thought.

"Which makes me think of Mrs Figg." He brightened at the prospect. "Who knows, Mrs Figg may be aboard... unless, of course, she was incinerated."


to be continued...

Only in the Bugle is my accent, uncertain.  
And where indeed is Figg? 
If she is being troubled by students I may have to get out my barrel and go shout across the border at them  and Eru help them if I have to cross the bloody thing  

I'm enjoying Odo's unexpected journey, I'd love to read more!

THE SPACE ADVENTURERS
Episode 4

"Mornin', cowdy! I'm Admiral David of the Davids of Cranberry Waters, Somwharr, USA," a bearded fellow - in tight fitting silver (grey) t-shirt and pants - greeted Odo as the latter disembarked from the coalmobile. "And if I don't knows the better, and I do, you be, darn nabbit, that ornery buckaroo, Odo Banks. Tell me I'm wrong."

"It's me, Good Sir," Odo answered solemnly, scrutinizing the strange chap from head to toe and wondering if that ghastly American had dressed deliberately so as to show off his every manly bulge. "Brash and bold,' Odo thought with righteous disgust, and a little envy.

"Thank you for the coal, Sir," David exhaled and stuck out a salty hand to shake. "How much will I be owing you by the Cobb and Co, my good downunder bandicoot?"

"That won't be necessary, I'm coming with you."

David's bushy eyebrows shot up like loose roller blinds. "Darn nabbit! What's this? Petty Officer Petty! Where are you?"

Petty slunk forward, scurrying servilely on hands and feet, as was his wont when he wanted to, and times like now were when he wanted to. "Ock the noo nelly! He bee drivin' sooch a harrad basket, Sir. It was heem or noo cool, Davo... Sir - that is."

(Petty thought it politic just then not to mention Odo's '50%'. Though finding the right time to mention it might be a tricky. Down in the dark cockles of Petty's Scotshobbit conscience, he hoped to find out the location of the Coal Scuttle and Odo have his accident before then, but I shouldn't get ahead of myself).  

David's eyes narrowed. "Well, I guess what has to be has to be. But I'll not be sharing a room with him."

"Nor me," said a sour expressioned girl with a Fjordianlandian accent.'

"Nor me," said another with a Whelsh.

Odo studied two young lasses as the arrived down the gangplank. He recognzed them immediately. They were pretty girls, but not his type. Intelligent girls with brash atitudes. The ones who would never ever do what you asked of them unless you had them tied up or down.

"Oh he can share my cabin," said a sensual voice with an English accent, slightly inflected with Italian. She appeared from behind the two younger girls.

"Oh Mrs Figg," Odo cried. "I'm so glad to see you. I feared you might have been incinerated. Thank you for offering, but I could never share your cabin. Surely Orwell will have something to say about that."

"As Orwell was incinerated, I don't think we need mind him."

"I say, that's a bit of bad luck."

"For him it was," answered Mrs Figg. And everyone laughed.

"Ock tha noo. You canna have him in our caboon, Joolia. Youse mee beetrooved!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Petty dear," Mrs Figg told the Scotshobbit sternly. "You know how I hate your jealous pouts. You'll just have to bed down in the Sick Bay. See Nurse Amarie. "

"Boot Joolia!"

"It's either that, or by the coal furnace!"

"Ock!" Petty glowered.  

"Who else is on board?" Odo interrupted. "You know, until very recently, I thought all you Forumshirans had been incinerated by a lethal laser from a Death Star seventeen thousand years ago - accidentally."

"Everyone escaped on The Nelson except Orwell," Mrs Figg said somewhat sourly. "If it wasn't for his headache he'd still be alive today."

"Well, it cured his headache," David said. And everybody laughed.

"Does that mean that that pernickity argumentative Eldo is on board too?" Odo wanted to know, fearing the worst.

"That's Midshipman Eldo you'll be meaning, darn tootin. He's not as argumentative nowadays. Not since I made him an honest Midshipman."

"I thought he'd want to be the Captain," Odo opined cynically, as he had the same negative thoughts about that young man as (the late) Orwell had had. "Likes to be in charge. Run things, you know."

"No, darn nabbit, buckaroo. I'm in charge. 'Admiral' that is. Admiral David. Didn't I already say that? Now, let's get on board and have a planter of gruel and grits. Then we'll be off, shanayin' through the multiverse with our hands on our colts and our eyes on the stars, cowdies."

Odo sighed. This was going to be a long adventure.


to be continued.  

I'm curious how Dave became Admiral and what they've been up to for the past 17,000 years.

You know nothing about Time Warps then.  

{{{And just between you and me, Eldo - how warped David is.  }}}

Eldorion wrote:

I'm curious how Dave became Admiral ...

I hope you're not in any way questioning my authority, Midshipman!

{{(besides, the uniform was free when Orwell......well, you know  )}}

An adventure, with no Orwell?!

{{{Rodney, just between you and me, Ol' Anon thought it best Orwell and Eldo not be on the same ship. They tend to bicker - apparently. }}}

THE SPACE ADVENTURERS
Episode 5

Admiral David - who was every bit the strapping Space Adventurer - and strapping was his punishment of choice, actually, but I digress - stood with legs bowlegged on the poop looking out through the deck's orbital-glass, his hands on his hips, looking quite the Admiral in his Admiral-silver (-grey) tank top and pants.

"By the sweet butt of every cowboy I ever loved, I do believe it's a fine strappin' day for an adventure in this fine filly I call The Nelson."

"Strappin'?" Nurse Amarie asked.

"Not what you think, my Prairie Rose," David chortled. "Not what you're thinkin'. Maybe later... Midshipman? Midshipman? Where is my sweet young cowboy? Eldo!"

"Oh sorry, I haven't adjusted to my demotion yet, Admiral."

"That's okay, me strappin' little cowboy, when I get you back to the cabin I'll remind you of it all again." And when David said it, he fondled his belt buckle affectionately. "Now lad, push my button and launch my ship, if you'd be so kind."  

"Sir?"

"Start the ship, me buckaroo, me rodeo clown. Off we go."

And Eldo - that fine strappin' lad (for strappin') - got the ship started.

David now got on the fugel-communicator, putting the cup to his chiselled lips. "Petty Officer! Petty Officer!" he bellowed.

"Ock the noo?" came the scratchy reply from the Furnace Room.

"You can begin. Light the wick and start shovelling."

"Aye aye, Admeeral!"

And The Nelson was soon thrusting through Green Planet 7's atmosphere, with Odo holding tightly on the gunwale.

Mrs Figg reached out and clasped his forearm in a familiar way.

"That's your old eel rip," Odo smiled. "Brings back memoies, my fair lady."

And Mrs Figg gave him that look off hers which tells you that you might verily be in for a bout of steady-as-she-goes eel wrangling come the evening.

A few minutes later, Admiral Dave cried. "Ha! The Evenstar! Point my stern that aways, my sweet little cowboy."

"Aye aye," Eldo responded, sweetly enough, but if Odo didn't know better, he detected something churlish in the way Eldo spoke.

('Oh how the great have fallen' Odo thought, smugly).

"Now Admiral," Odo asked. "Where exactly is the Interstella Eldorado?"

"What's that, Mister Banks?" Eldo asked. "I don't even know a Stella."

"No, we're talking about the Interstella Eldorado," the Admiral told him kindly.

"Oh," Eldo said, with a cheeky grin. "I thought you said I was 'into Stella'."

"Droll, very droll," said Nurse Amarie, who was really quite fond of young Eldo. "You should be a comedian."

"Yes - if only he was funny - actually funny, I mean..." Odo said unkindly - for Orwell wasn't there to say it and someone (surely) had to. {{{ }}}

"Set the co-ordinates for Barrion Prime 11.7," the Admiral said suddenly.

'My goodness," thought Odo. 'That's the dark horrid terribly boring galaxy where Dark Planet hangs like a chunk of blackness in the midst of the worst kind of sinister mediocrity imaginable!'

He glanced nervously at Nurse Amarie as she stood on the poop looking rather dashing in her chiffon top and pink knickerbockers and tall black boots.

She caught his glance and gave him an innocent smile. It was like she didn't have an evil bone in her beautiful body.

Odo's mouth went dry.


to be continued....  
"

 {{{ }}}

THE SPACE ADVENTURERS
Episode 6



As it turned out, the Intestella Eldorado was a long long way away. A long long long way away.

So Odo idled much of his time playing quoits.

Sometimes he would saunter on the after deck.

At others he would write poetry in his cabin. Things like:

"Petty McTyrant will die a horrid vicious death,
I haven't decided how,
Maybe on the rack with knives and press,
Somehow anyhow."

He soon gave up poetry.

He tried to persuade the two young ladies on board (Ally and Norc) to space-surf outside the ship. But they were too wise for that. "We'll die of asphyxiation, there's no oxygen out there," Ally said. "And we didn't bring our spaceboards anyhow," said Norc. "Anyway, we've only got last year's bikinis," said Ally. "Imagine if our friends saw us!" Norc gasped. "And I haven't seen a space wave in days," said Ally, annoyed. "If you pop out the portal," said Odo, "I'll wave." "That's not the least bit funny," Norc said, pouting. "Well, actually, it's funny in a juvenile way," said Ally. "No, not even in  a juvenile way, and I should know," Norc grumbled. Ally couldn't gainsay that.

Mrs Figg taught Odo a few new eel wrangling tricks she had learned from a Ciberman on Parallax 6 - much to Petty's chagrin, as Mrs Figg made him watch.

One dull evening Admiral David challenged Odo to a game of Checkerchess for a small wager. Odo won, of course. Without cheating - apparently.

All the while, Odo kept half an eye on Nurse Amarie. And she on him. Trouble would come of it.

Midshipman Eldo slouched around the place when off duty. In his eyes burned  the worst kind of envy imaginable. Odo, in a private correspondence, warned Admiral David not to trust him.  (Sometimes Odo wondered what Eldo was most envious of. Was it Admiral David's High Status or his tight fitting silver (grey) space suit and near perfect bulges? Maybe both, perhaps).

One of the kitchen staff, Rodney Recovery, took a shine to David's poodle. (I forgot to mention that. David had a poodle).

Sometimes Odo wondered where Azriel was. He hoped all was well with her.

Tinuviel was nowhere to be seen.

But mainly, Odo wiled away the time playing quoits.

Interminably - it seemed - The Nelson thrust on.  


to be continued...

The Archet Bugle wrote:THE SPACE ADVENTURERS
Episode 6



Odo, in a private correspondence, warned Admiral David not to trust him.  (Sometimes Odo wondered what Eldo was most envious of. Was it Admiral David's High Status or his tight fitting silver (grey) space suit and near perfect bulges? Maybe both, perhaps).

The price we pay......

Interminably - it seemed - The Nelson thrust on.  

   

David H wrote:The price we pay...... 

Is truth stranger than fiction?

"Petty McTyrant will die a horrid vicious death,
I haven't decided how,
Maybe on the rack with knives and press,
Somehow anyhow."


Im outraged!  I will die like a proper Sctoshobbit, swaying uncertainly and loudly complaining about something.  

Rumour has it, so you shall, so you shall - with some assistance p'raps.  

  {{{{ Damn the girl! I cant work out if thats a threat or something to look forward to!  }}}

 Peppermint?

Just a new flavour of buckie Mirry, I'm, um, trying it out for the Queen, to go with the rasberry {{{well done Petty, that even sounded plausible    }}}}

Pettytyrant101 wrote:"Petty McTyrant will die a horrid vicious death,
I haven't decided how,
Maybe on the rack with knives and press,
Somehow anyhow."


Im outraged!  I will die like a proper Sctoshobbit, swaying uncertainly and loudly complaining about something.  

It will probably be from shock. Scottish Indipendance and the first thing they do is ban Buckie and fried Mars Bars.

  

Mrs Figg wrote:It will probably be from shock. Scottish Indipendance and the first thing they do is ban Buckie and fried Mars Bars.

But I thought that was the whole point of Scottish independence?

NOTE:

THE SPACE ADVENTUERS HAS BEEN CANCELLED AND WILL BE REPLACED (TEMPORARILY?) BY A LESS DERIVATIVE ALL EXCITING NEW ADVENTURE STORY>>>>


MRS WHO

stay tuned....