Re: UK paedophilia scandal

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:01 pm

I firmly believe Im the only one of my kind in my entire family ! All the others were fine,upstanding members of the community, didnt drink,smoke,swear or told "bad taste" jokes.........then came ME! :carrot:

by Pettytyrant101 Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:09 pm

Mmm, Paw Tyrant did go to the south of england to claim a debt. So he says anyway. Suspect

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:17 pm

Oh gawd ! Mum WAS very tight lipped about certain things.... Shocked

by Pettytyrant101 Sat Nov 10, 2012 5:43 pm

Well in fairness to your mother her recollection might be hazy- you see Paw is so old skool in this thinking he comes from a time before there were even skools to be old skool in. His prefered chat up line is a half brick in a sock.
He sulked for six months when he found out about 'Rohypnol' because and I quote, 'The worlds greatest f***ing invention and a Scot didn't even f***ing come up with it.'
Its for this reason Maw hardly ever lets him out his cage anymore, even though he has mellowed in recent years, sort of...

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:26 pm

Oh,BIG sigh of relief ! Mum never mentioned a "brick in a sock" ! There WAS some mention of coal dust tho ? Shocked

by Pettytyrant101 Sat Nov 10, 2012 6:36 pm

Oh dear, coal dust you say- that may have been a McOrwell, shortly after their despicable and evil act of coal scuttle theft!

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 7:19 pm

by **Orwell** Sat Nov 10, 2012 8:34 pm

Why do I always get blamed for Odo's (alleged) indiscretions involving English lasses and dark laneways after the pubs have closed... Rolling Eyes

not that I would know anything, mind... Shocked

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 8:59 pm

Might be because of 2 clues as stated previously ?
Coal dust & coal scuttle ? You seem to be the 1st suspect. (or one of your scandalous relatives?)

by Pettytyrant101 Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:29 pm

Scandoulus ancestor and possible relative- that bit of the past, like much surrounding Orwell is best described as 'dubious'.
Put very simply my clan, the McTyrants as they once were, had a mighty realm in Scotshobbitland, based on the economy of coal. Not that there was any coal in our realm but we had, bequeathed to us from a beautiful elven maiden from Valinor, a magic coal scuttle, in return for which we agreed to prepare a special rasberry flavoured brew of buckie for export.
But as is wont to happen in such tales tragedy struck- there are many varied accounts of exactly how the McOrwells aquired the magic coal scuttle, but they did.
In the Tyrant account the clan Chief, Scurriously Hairy McTyrant, was seduced by what turned out to be a hobbit in drag, one night after his regular visit to Mrs McFiggins House of Supsicous Suprises.
So seduced was he that he gave the magic coal scuttle as a wedding gift and the evil McOrwell revealed hiself in the most improper manner, and rigth in the middle of the Kirk where the Lasses From Her Pleasure were seated too, and made off into the night.
Of course being a lowly tribe of nothings the Mc Orwell did not know how to make use of the scuttle to gather riches- and there it would have been lost to history save that several centuries later a descendant of the McOrwells, and the last Orwell holder of the scuttle was caught stealing a pair of ladies unmentionables from a washing line, he was immediately put on a ship and sent to the colonies, the scuttle with him.
Of course it did not take long for him to become accqainted with an OZ hobbit by the family name of Banks. Before long the scuttle had foudn its way into the Banks clans hands, and they did know how to use it to make wealth.
Its current thieving holder is Odo Banks, who may, or may not be deceased.

I hope that clears the matter up- any other versions you may hear which doesnt squarely lay the blame on the Orwells and Banks clans are despicable lies.

by **Orwell** Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:51 pm

McOrwells? You don't mean the Matriarchal Branch of the (Orwell) McOdo line, do you? How dare you mention them... Mad

In my Clan, we no longer mention the McOrwells - them being unmentionable, Petty! Rolling Eyes

I have a rather queasy feeling that that Coal Scuttle may yet turn up - possibly in Mirkwood? Suspect

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:53 pm

Oky-doky ! that delightful tale is nothing short of Shakespearean, in its plot, & the lengths people will go to, to obtain a priceless treasure of such high renown ! As long as he got the right size,I hope the "unmentionables" Orwell stole was worth it ? Actually,Ive got a disturbing vision of "Toad" from "Wind in the Willows" when he dressed as a washer woman ?! (Im starting to think I need help, but I shall be strong, & refuse it ) Wink

by Pettytyrant101 Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:56 pm

"In my Clan, we no longer mention the McOrwells - them being unmentionable, Petty!"- Orwell
You may not mention them but we never forget, well some things, well ok, most things drunken

but not that! drunken

what was I saying? drunken

Any upcoming Wholesome Tale which may contradict the above account is to be disregarded as mere fiction and propoganda Azriel. {{No matter how funny it is}}

by **Orwell** Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:58 pm

It may yet in fact be in the current Wholesome Tale, Petty... Nod

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:04 pm

I smell dark,devious goings on, arriving sooner rather than later. Suspect

by **Orwell** Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:06 pm

azriel wrote:Actually,Ive got a disturbing vision of "Toad" from "Wind in the Willows" when he dressed as a washer woman ?!

Please explain.... Suspect

by azriel Sat Nov 10, 2012 10:21 pm

Its hard to explain really, I see a connection with a scuttle, (you), Im sure there was one in Wind in the Willows, Knicker pinching off a wash line,(you) Toad dressed as a woman, A past relative dressed as a drag hobbit,(you) It all connects ! Very Happy