The Needlehole Mysteries

The plot thickens!!, Amarie Double Agent for the Dark Planet?????and so innocent looking too!!!

TRUST NO ONE........!!!!

Here's how I imagine how things would end up should Forumshire get involved in a war with the Dark Planet. (It's quite crappy quality, but I haven't had much time. So so many newspapers to read...)




I am also CONVINCED that ambassador Amarie has mr Figgs frozen in carbonite in her mysterious study.

Odo has put me onto his Solicitors, Banks, Burrowes and Banks, Eldo. Perhaps you made a mistake using the word 'fainted', hmmm?

OOOOOooooo! that is truly creepy, specially Orwell as C3PO or is it R2D2? I can never remember which is which. He does have some brass neck however.

I didn't know you saw Petty that way, Amarie! {{{Loved the newspapers, by the way! And at least I'd be able to move. }}}

It came natural with Petty already wearing a skirt and makeup. ( )He'd make a cute pet. And the bling bling chain keeps him from falling into boiling geysers and such, it's for his own safety really.

Now if the boys wonder why I didn't put mrs Figgs in the golden bikini (I am sure you have already created that mental image long time ago). I imagine she has a higher executive leader role in a high profile DP/Forumshire business where she can wear what the heck she wants to. Red latex perhaps.

I suppose Mrs Figg knows what people like regardless of what forum they hail from.

Spoiler:

"He'd make a cute pet."- Amarie

I choose to interpret that to mean that you don't mind the bikini.

(And I am sure it would be wise to have a nurse nearby, since the picture clearly states that I am about to die from obesity. Future's not looking too bright. )

My rage at the bikini is too great for words is all Amarie!! And I recommend a full buckie diet for your weight problem combined with a 40 a day smoking habit. Those pounds will soon fall off- you never see a fat alcoholic or cancer patient!

You seem a bit upset. Gee, I hope you won't choke me to death with your bling bling chain when I least expect it. I'd never see it coming.

I guess we just have to hope that Eldo and Ringo can save the world as we know it, so we can all remain friends. No pressure though.

Ok changed my mind.



Petty's wearing a barrel now. Barrels are cool.

Also, there is an update on the way very soon, and maybe even another update later tonight if I keep at it.

The Mystery of Mister Figg

Part 7


“Is there something wrong, Captain?” asked DI Eldo brusquely.

“I've seen that woman before!” said Orwell. “A long time ago. But it can't be.” He fainted.

“I'm really glad that out of all the sailors in Forumshire, you picked this one – again,” said Sgt. Herring. “I'm ecstatic. Thrilled. Your skill at choosing captains simply astounds-”

“Shut up,” snapped DI Eldo. He looked up towards the ship. “Er, hello?” he called. “There was a little accident down here, we could use your help...” He trailed off.

Agent Nora cast an uncomfortable glance at the DI but froze when she saw the look on Mrs Figg's face. The supposed prisoner looked like she was about to cry.

“No worries!” panted one of Orwell's sailors, who was scampering down from the ship. “He does this all the time, really. Some smelling salts will bring him around in no time.” The sailor held a small box of salts beneath the Captain's nose for a minute.

“Good gracious me, a million apologies, I must have dozed off!” babbled Orwell as he came to. He looked around wildly and his eyes fell on Mrs Figg. “No!” he cried. “But yes.”

“Make up your mind already,” said the annoyed Sgt. Herring.

“How on earth did you ever find him?” gasped Mrs Figg, turning to DI Eldo with tears in her eyes.

“Who, Orwell? It wasn't hard. I just followed the sound of foppish prattling and here he was.”

“Orwell?” asked Mrs Figg, puzzled. “I have no idea what you're talking about. This is my husband, Oscar Figg!”

“The dead one?” quipped DI Eldo, but he mumbled an apology at Mrs Figg's glare.

“Sorry, how exactly is this supposed to work?” said Sgt. Herring. “Your story was that your husband was captured by-” He stopped himself with an uneasily look at Agent Nora. “What the hell is going on here?”

“My husband was captured by the Dark Planet!” said Mrs Figg. “I have no idea how he came to b here, Oh, Oscar, whatever happened?” she cooed, leaning down to the fallen Hobbit as gracefully as she could in her cuffs.

“Erm … hee hee,” said Orwell, as he pulled himself indecently close to Mrs Figg. “Well, you see, I was chained up with no hope whatsoever of seeing my freedom or my gorgeous wife again. The Dark Planet had me in a prison ship to take me from Bree-land to the Homeland. But when we were at sea, the ship was captured by none other than Orwell McOdo II, who rescued me!”

“Your father rescued you?” asked Sgt. Herring. DI Eldo looked noticeably uncomfortable at Mrs Figg and Orwell's intimacy.

“I didn't know you were related to that pirate!” cried Mrs Figg. “Why did you never tell me?”

“He's more of an adoptive father,” said Captain Orwell sheepishly. “And by 'more of' I mean 'entirely.' In fact, none of the McOdos are related to each other. Orwell II was adopted by Orwell I when the latter was looking to retire and took on a successor.”

“And the crew is fine with this?” asked Sgt. Herring, gesturing to the sailor with the box of smelling salts.

“Of course they are!” said Captain Orwell. “We all benefit from perpetuating the story of a bloodline of vicious pirates who show no mercy. I just got the job of Captain because I'm a natural leader.”

“More because you were the only one who could pass for Orwell II's son,” snickered the sailor.

“Silence! This is insubordination,” whined Captain Orwell.

“I can certainly see why you'd want to coast on someone else's reputation,” said Sgt. Herring. Turning to the sailor, he continued, “is this really the best you could do?”

“It's not so bad, really,” said the sailor cheerfully. “He gets to dress up and prance around and everybody who does the real work can focus on that.”

Orwell was quickly turning red but Mrs Figg calmed him with a kiss on the cheek. “Oh, my poor baby, stuck at sea all these years. Always running from the evil Dark Planet that had it out for you.”

Agent Nora was making retching noises and DI Eldo tapped his foot impatiently. “Can we continue the reunion on board, please?” he asked.

“Fine,” said Mrs Figg, rolling her eyes. “We do have a mission. Oscar, you must come back with us to Bree-land. Our plans are about to go into motion after all these years!”

Sgt. Herring coughed loudly and pointed at Agent Nora, but she shook her head. “I know about your plans, more or less,” she said. “And I'm not here to stop you. I know you don't trust me, Sergeant, but I don't know what to think about Bree-land anymore. There's so much that must be going on behind the scenes.”

DI Eldo looked pleased, but Sgt. Herring was unconvinced and glared at the DI. “We'll be having a long conversation about the meaning of discretion once we're underway,” he said tersely. “But this isn't a pleasure cruise, so we need to be off.”

Orwell and Mrs Figg insisted on spending most of their time in the Captain's quarters catching up. Orwell demanded to know why Mrs Figg had been cuffed. He seemed mostly satisfied by the explanation of their plan, but he cast a suspicious eye at the DI nonetheless.

Eldo left the happy couple to their reunion and went up on deck. Admunholm was put a glimmer of lights on the dark horizon, but the DI turned to face towards Bree-land. All he could see were rows of black waves roiling together.

“I can't believe you told her,” Sgt. Herring said unannounced from behind him. “You haven't been yourself since we started working this case.”

“No, it's been going on for longer,” said DI Eldo moodily. “I don't feel like myself. I've always thrown myself into my work to the point of ignoring everything else. And I've been consumed with being promoted again and proving myself. But ever since we transferred to Needlehole my mind has been preoccupied with other things, and people.”

“Maybe you're in love,” said Sgt. Herring, and the DI could almost hear his smirk.

“I don't know,” sighed DI Eldo.

“Listen,” said Sgt. Herring comfortingly. “I know that you've had a lot to get used to recently, but I want you to remember that people care about you for reasons other than you being good at your job.”

Eldo did not respond.


On the other side of the ship, Agent Nora leaned against the railing and stared at the coast of Forumshire as it faded into the night. She had heard stories of the land as a child, about how it was an anarchic land where anything was acceptable under the rule of one of its most irresponsible citizens. She had not been prepared for the emotions the country and some of its people evoked in her.

Distantly, she heard Sgt. Herring's voice from across the deck. His distrust of her rankled. She had done nothing but try to help solve the case. It wasn't her fault if her government – both of their governments, she corrected herself – was trying to play tricks on them.

Nora paused in her stream of thought as she heard the DI's voice float through the night air. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, but she wasn't the one who chose to have a private conversation in the open. Why couldn't the DI talk to her? She cared just as much as that damn Sergeant. Nora wondered if there was something more to the policehobbits' relationship after all.

She let out a long sigh as DI Eldo fell silent and Sgt. Herring eventually walked away. Nora felt that she should go over and say something, but she didn't know where to begin. If Captain Orwell really was the elusive Mr Figg, then maybe Eldo had been telling the truth and really was trying to protect her.

Agent Nora cast an uneasy glance over her shoulder and saw the shadowy figure of the DI at the opposite railing. Turning back around, Agent Nora removed a small package wrapped in cloth from an inside pocket. Removing the wrapping, she held up her secure pocket palantir. The Director had instructed her to give regular reports and alert HQ if anything seemed amiss.

“Now would definitely be the time,” Agent Nora said glumly, staring at the device. All her training screamed at her to send the emergency call and alert her superiors, but she didn't know what to do.


The Sweet Louise of Saint Trapeze came within sight of Bree-land just after noon. The whole party joined Captain Orwell at the Helm as they gazed towards the approaching land.

“Don't sail for the harbor, darling,” said Mrs Figg, who was clinging to Orwell's arm. “You remember the cove near the rendezvous point? Your ship can make it in there, can't it?”

“She can squeeze in anywhere I go, no matter how tight,” said Captain Orwell suggestively.

Sgt. Herring rolled his eyes and spoke up. “I have no doubt of that, but I'm concerned that such a large ship would be obtrusive. We are supposed to be on a mission of stealth.”

“Not to worry!” said Captain Orwell. We can go ashore in a longboat and the Sweet Louise of Saint Trapeze can double back to the harbor. By the time we're done we won't need to avoid the city.”

“Oh darling, you always have the best plans,” said Mrs Figg. DI Eldo thought this assessment was overly generous and turned away as the couple kissed passionately. “I'll just be getting ready then, shall I?” he said.

The helmshobbit kept a wide course away from the Bree-land coast, only pulling in closer when they were on the less densely populated far side, away from the hearbor and main city of Bree. DI Eldo, Sgt. Herring, Agent Nora, Mrs Figg, and Captain Orwell all descended into a longboat, which Eldo and Herring rowed to shore.

After hiding the boat as best they could behind some vines, the party made their way cautiously inland, keeping mostly to old deer trails in the woods. Captain Orwell led the way with a sense of confidence that he had not previously shown.

Agent Nora looked around with a sense of recognition. “This is the same place where my grandmother lives!” she exclaimed in surprise. “You remember the story about my grandmother and the cave, right?” she said to Eldo. “Eru, it feels like a lifetime ago. But we're very close the village where her cottage is.”

Mrs Figg gave Agent Nora a curious look, as if of realization. “We might be going closer than you think,” she said. Agent Nora glared at the older woman's back as they continued to pick their way through the forest. The trees were becoming somewhat thinner, and she could vaguely make out the shapes of houses in the distance.

“Here we are!” announced Captain Orwell brightly, stopping in the middle of the trail.

“Where is here?” grumbled Agent Nora.

“Here,” said Captain Orwell, stomping his foot on the ground. A hollow thumping sound could be heard. “Our way to the rendezvous point without anyone seeing us,” he explained, feeling the ground for a moment before finding a handle and pulling open a trapdoor. “After you,” he said graciously to Mrs Figg.

They all clambered down a solid stepladder into the dark tunnel. Orwell came down last, pulling the trapdoor shut firmly and plunging them into darkness. “Just feel the walls and move forward,” he said. “There's only one way to go.”

The group made their way slowly through the darkness, careful not to trip over each other. Eventually Mrs Figg stopped. “There's another ladder here,” she explained. “We just climb up this and we're there.” She began to climb but soon paused and knocked hard on the roof of the tunnel.

In a few seconds there was the sound of scraping above them and then another trapdoor was pulled open. The room they climbed into had the curtains drawn but the light still blinded them temporarily.

Blinking rapidly, Agent Nora looked around. She had been here before. And then she saw...

“Nana!” she cried out in shock. “What are you doing here?”

Cruel Cliffhangers!

So, no carbonite then.
And yey for the hobbit underground resistance! Now who would look for a Breeland Hobbit under ground?

oooh.. wonder who that could be.. ?

*in a very dramatic voice* Will Srg. Herring ever fully trust Agent Nora? Is Eldo really in love? What next? Who did Agent Nora call! Follow the episode for the epic continuing story of the mystery of the now found Mr Figg! badu baduuuuum!

That reminded me of Calle from Raske Menn's brilliant movie trailer voice:
Clickety here to see what I am talking about.

"foppish prattling". genius!

Snabbgrabbar!

I knooooow!!

And for no real reason: The Airplain train bus: Again with subs, so Orwell doesn't need to translate it and Petty can enjoy the music of the language.

I did something stupid and my hand is doing worse, so typing is going a bit slower than it would otherwise. However, that's given me plenty of time to plot out what's to come in a fair amount of detail. There should be an update tonight though.

welll, think of a good plot then, it better be good with us sitting here waiting

Indeed.

#$%! computer crash made me lose almost all of the one of the crucial scenes for the entire story! And Windows Recovery only brought it back to the last save point, which I could have gotten on my own. Plus Windows take ages to reboot. Thanks for reminding me why I should have kept using Linux, Microsoft!

Now to go rewrite that scene before I forget what I had in mind.